Finding Beauty In My Everyday Life

Are You Missing Me??

2009-04-22T10:26:00.001-04:00

Well then, have you updated your subscription to my new url? Because I'm over here now!!

Well, Hello There Dear Friends...

2009-04-13T15:05:00.001-04:00

I'm back! And I have new digs.

Come check me out! :)

Empty Vessel

2009-02-20T15:11:00.000-05:00

So, I am less than a week away from giving up the internet for 40 days. Ugh! In the interest of full disclosure-- I am dreading it! This week I've been paying attention to when I log on to the internet and, well, let's just say it's staggering how much I rely on the World Wide Web.

** Need a recipe? Just jump on to Allrecipes.com and problem solved.

** Weird, unexplainable stomach cramp? Why, WebMD.com has the answer!

** Has the title of a book you read in 5th grade slipped your mind? Good thing Amazon.com knows which one it is.

** Looking for the latest theory on your favorite TV show? Well, take your pick.

Um, yeah, I need a break.

............

I want things to be different in my life and I feel as though I have lost a certain intimacy I once had with Him. That is what this season is all about for me. Not just a fast, which feels so… oh, I don’t know… obligatory. Rather I want this to be an offering. An act of worship. An empty vessel. (Yes, I know that’s what a fast is, but it’s all about how the wording plays out in my head.)

Please know that I am not telling you about this to make myself look good to you. I have mentioned it for 3 reason’s; 1) I want you to know where I’ve gone when I disappear for a while; 2) Maybe, maybe, I will inspire someone else in my journey; 3) Accountability.

I know that several have asked me to journal during this time and I am still thinking about it. Sunday's are not counted in the 40 days of fasting, they are seen as a celebratory time. So, I might post an update or two on a Sunday. I'll wait and see how it feels.

Either way, I will journal as I go, and when the time is over I will share with you what I can. (As a side note-- I will still be checking/sending email as that was not a part of what I am "offering" up. I can check it without logging on and email is a vital source of communication in our household.)

Is anyone else out there making an offering for Lent?

(Oh by the way, Lent starts next Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, and goes until Easter.)

Reality

2009-02-12T14:19:00.004-05:00

I was just reading Meredith's blog and she posted on a topic that has been weighing on my heart lately. I am going to piggy back off of her topic with some of my own thoughts....

I would like to think that I have been pretty transparent on this blog. Actually, I think I am more real here than I am in real life sometimes. I find it easier to share the ugly parts with people who I only sort of know. Yet, in truth, I think y'all probably know me best.

...............

For about a year I had a little reminder written in lipstick on my bedroom mirror. Every time I put on makeup, checked an outfit, or fluffed my hair this little note was staring back at me. Day after day I would read it aloud and repeat it over and over, hoping that it would sink into my heart and free me from my perfectionism.

"I am who I am."

It didn't help. I windexed it off.

Here's the thing, I am ugly. I am messy. I am loud, and controlling, and I do not have all my sh*t together. (And I cuss!) I struggle with anxiety and depression. I HATE gloomy weather. I do not read my bible every day. I do not shower every day. Sometimes I only wash my hair once a week! (Heaven forbid!) I am overweight. I think judgmental thoughts. I gossip. I lie, to myself mostly, but I do lie. I envy, I have unrighteous anger.

And sometimes, okay A LOT of times, I do all those things (and more) in one day!

But that's just me. It's who I am and I have no problem admitting the bad stuff.

A few days ago I was looking through some old photos. I came across a series of pictures of myself that I had not seen in a long time. I stared for a long time, looking at each photo thoroughly, and I realized something.

I am beautiful.

Why is it so hard to admit the good stuff?

...............

Lent is coming up and I've been thinking about what I am going to "give up". I can barely even type the words, but I think I am going to give up the Internet. Blogs, Facebook, Youtube, People.com, Craigslist, All Recipes (yikes!), etc. All of it. For 40 days.

I'm getting all sweaty just thinking about it.

But here's the truth- the internet is just one more hurdle in my struggle to admit the good stuff. It's hard to read other blogs and think that everyone else has their sh*t together when mine has just hit the fan. I can't help but compare myself to the rest of the good mommy bloggers out there.

And honestly, this thing just sucks up my time. It is a distraction from making the changes in my "real" life that I need to make. I want to live authentically. Not just blog it, but live it.

So, that's what I am going to do. I'm gonna throw myself at the Lords feet and walk out my life, authentically, and as naked as figuratively possible.

And when I come back, if I come back, maybe I'll blog about it. ;)

Randomness In All Its Glory

2009-02-04T09:11:00.005-05:00

- Looking for a really tasty granola recipe. Anyone out there have a good one to pass on?

- I am so very very sick of the cold. I am really longing for summer.

- In September I will be able to add "Aunt" to my description list over there in my profile!!! I am really excited about this! (Trying to be a little covert in this announcement since the future mommy and daddy haven't blabbed it to the world yet. I am bursting with the news so I had to share somehow!!! ) (How'd I do with the covert thing? I always knew I would make a good spy. Just call me Sydney Bristow.)

- I can be really sarcastic and dry. (duh.)

- I say "really" too much and am trying to break myself of this habit. As you can tell by the previous random tidbits I am doing just dandy with this.

- Had to wipe the dogs arse yesterday after she pooped on Jaron's blocks. This is not in my job description and I am not getting paid enough to do such a vile thing.

- I have a post about shame that I am working on. Maybe someday I will actually get it published on here. My writing gears have slowed down lately and cranking out anything of substance has become near impossible.

- I need some good books to read. Anybody have some good suggestions? I especially love fiction and biographies/memoirs.

The Recipe for the "Best Brownies In The Whole Wide World"...

2009-01-31T08:40:00.002-05:00

is found right here.

You're welcome. :)

Why I Love My Husband: Reason #756,859

2009-01-22T15:54:00.006-05:00

After an especially long and hectic afternoon, he offers to bring something home for dinner so I don't have to cook. And, as an added bonus he plans on taking the toddler out for a while so I can let silence tickle my ear drums.

Ah, the luxury.

He's my hero.

Exercise

2009-01-14T09:52:00.008-05:00

Me- Start the Winsor Pilate's 20 minute Burn work out DVD.

Jaron- Get head stuck behind furniture. Scream

Me- Pause DVD to help Jaron get unstuck. Comfort screaming toddler.

Jaron- Get head stuck behind furniture... again. Scream... again.

Me- Pause DVD to help Jaron get unstuck... again. Comfort screaming toddler... again.

Jaron- Disappear after a few minutes of "behaving".

Me- Pause the DVD after "hearing" silence for too long. Discover Jaron coloring daddy's pillow with a blue high-liter. Disciple toddler.

Jaron- Throw tantrum before the word "No" even hits Mommy's lips.

Me- Choose not to battle fit. Ignore fit. Clean up mess.

Jaron- Mad at lack of attention. Escape while Mommy's distracted. Find more trouble to get into.

Me- Back to finish workout. Can't find remote to un-pause DVD. Look to Jaron.

Jaron- Smile mischievously at Mommy's stern look. Offer no help.

Me- Tear house apart looking for remote while trying to remain calm. Repeating mantra, "Do not loose your temper at helpless toddler".

Jaron- Start giggling. Offer no help.

Me- Find remote hidden in empty box in Jaron's room. Finish 20 minute workout DVD in 45 minutes. Put toddler down for nap. Put self down for nap.

"Who me?"

Embers, revisited

2009-01-05T07:05:00.005-05:00

This story starts a few posts ago, and it doesn't end with today's post. I think this is just the journey the Lord has me on right now. I can't say that I am totally thrilled about it, however I do think I am beginning to understand what it's all about.

Psalm 18 has been a bit of a challenge for me. I guess it has revealed in my heart some trust issues. Imagine that? A female with trust issues!? ;)

The psalm talks a lot about how the Lord will be my support and my shield. That he will enable me to stand and face my enemy. That he will, "stoop down to make me great" (vs 35).

Those are hard phrases for me, though the stooping down part gives me chills. I am lowly and he is lofty, yet he loves me. I am dark and he is light, yet he loves me. He is clean and holy and pure and because of his sacrifice I am too.

I guess it's the sacrifice part that is sometimes hard to accept. Does anyone else have a hard time with that? As a mom, as a perfectionist and someone who analyzes EVERYTHING, I find it very difficult to accept help. While studying this psalm I keep coming back to that.

I have the head knowledge of all this, but I guess sometimes my heart gets tripped up on pride.

Recently I read a corresponding passage (Psalm 91) that led to a bit of a breakthrough. Look at this....

"Because he loves me" says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." (emphasis mine)

Simply because I love him, he will not only rescue me, but he will honor me.

Wow. Does that hit you like it hit me? I hope so. I hope the deepth of that sinks into you today. All you have to-- ALL I HAVE TO DO-- is acknowlede his name and call to him. Doesn't mean my problem will *poof* go away, but it does mean that someone far greater than me is on the job.

The Message bible says it so awesomely... "From his palace he hears my call; my cry brings me right into his presence- a private audience!" (Pslalm 18:6)

How cool is that?

If you are in need of help, or strength; or if you feel like your enemies [enemies can also be things like depression, anxiety, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc] are closing in an all sides then I encourage you to read Psalm 18 and Psalm 91 today.

And seriously, isn't it just breath taking that he stoops down to make us great???

And A Happy Holidays To You...

2009-01-02T23:18:00.003-05:00

Being sick is the pits.

Taking care of a sick toddler is sad.

Having a sick husband is MISERABLE.

All of the above at the same time, during Christmas vacation, cannot be described in words I wish to publish on the blog. Use your imagination.

I'm going to bed.

A Boy's Winter Wonderland

2008-12-17T11:34:00.004-05:00

Well, it's official. This beach lovin' family has a snow lover amongst us. To be honest and completely fair, he LOVES just about everything that has to do with outside. During our beach vacation he adored the sand (okay, so he adored eating the sand, but still...).

Anyway, back to my point. My Jaron boy was ecstatic this morning to wake up to snow, snow and more snow. He has pretty much lived at our window all morning long.

He even insisted on eating his snack at the window. Because, you know, he wouldn't want to miss a single second of watching that snow fall.

The bonus that comes with the snow are all the snow plows, or "no now's" as he calls them. Every time one goes by he yells for me to come look.

And this, well this is his big, happy smiling face. I know, it's a bit cranky looking, but I promise, whenever I ask him to smile his happy smile, this is what I get.

I think his excitement might make a snow lover out of me yet!

Embers

2008-12-09T15:07:00.006-05:00

Jonathan and I meet with friends of ours every Monday night to worship together for an hour or so. We do this in harp and bowl style which is refreshing and challenging all at the same time. The last few weeks we have been singing through Psalm 18.

Y'all I have to be honest, it's crushing me. I don't know why but just getting through the first few verses is like trudging up a steep hill with 500 lbs on my back. In the dark. On an empty stomach.

In other words, it's rough. And I'm barely making it.

By verse 2 (which says, "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.") I am usually holding back tears. It's like the Lord is taking a fire poker and jamming it into the most tender place of my heart looking to stir up whatever embers lay there. It hurts and I don't like it.

I would like to take a cue from Jaron and throw myself on the floor and pitch a fit.

"Enough Lord!!! ENOUGH!"

I would like to go limp when He picks me up and just fall back to the floor. Because whenever that stupid fire poker thingy comes out it means stuff has to be dealt with. Old crap has to be cleaned up and cleared out. It usually means that a lot of work is ahead and I just am not in the mood to deal with it.

So there.

How's that for a little toddler fit??

Oh y'all. Why does it have to be so hard, this living life thing?

I suppose I'm just making it harder than it needs to be.

Also, I'm sorry that I have been MIA lately. Honestly I don't know what to say about it other than my priorities are just different right now. I have been thinking about stopping all together and just deleting this thing, but something keeps me from doing that. So for now, I'll blog when I have something to say and I will not pressure myself to keep this thing going on a daily basis. That okay with y'all??

Bullet The Blue Sky

2008-11-26T21:25:00.003-05:00

Just saw this funny post over at Musings of a Future Pastors Wife and thought it looked like fun. Join in if you want!

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song title down, no matter how silly it sounds.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Girls Just Want To Have Fun- Cyndi Lauper

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Overjoyed- Jars of Clay

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Rest Stop- Matchbox Twenty

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Frail- Jars of Clay

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
All Eyes On Me- Goo Goo Dolls (HA!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I Believe In Love- Dixie Chicks

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Light Years Away- MoZella (LOL!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sugar- Tonic

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
6th Avenue Heartache- The Wallflowers (oh! sad!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR SPOUSE?
Lover Lay Down- Dave Matthews (*blushing*)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
You're So Wonderful- Vineyard Worship

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For- U2

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE YOUR SPOUSE?
I've Got News- Andrew Peterson

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Eternal Flame- The Bangles (HA!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hey Ya!- Outkast

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Mr. Froogie Went A-Courtin'- Burl Ives (LOL! A kids song that Jaron loves!)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Apologize- OneRepublic

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Wipe Out- The Surfaris

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Walk This Way- Aerosmith

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
I Ain't Goin' Nowhere- Martina McBride (LOL!!!!!)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Saved By Loved- Amy Grant (does this mean I won't die?!?) ;)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Canned Heat- Jamiroquai (oh dear.)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
You Are My Joy- David Crowder Band

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
We Cry Out- Kim Walker (appropriate I would say, huh?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Building A Mystery- Sarah McLachlan

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
What's In It For Me?- Faith Hill (hehehe!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Don't Fade On Me- Tom Petty

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Two Princes- Spin Doctors

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Okay- that's it for me tonight folks. A little bit of silly as I veg out before Turkey Day. Lot's to be thankful for this year. Make sure you take time to be thankful amidst the eating!! :)

Twitter Bug

2008-11-25T15:48:00.002-05:00

I finally caved in and I am now Twittering. Anyone else out there doing the Twitter thing?

True Confessions

2008-11-18T17:21:00.002-05:00

I'm bored. Waiting on the hubby to get home so I can go work out. Ugh. I hate working out, but I have to do it. I HAVE to for oh, so many reasons. But mostly I just have to do it b/c I said I was going to. I am working on keeping my word in all things.

So, anyhoo-- now that I've bored you to tears also, let's spice things up a bit. Here are a few random confessions that will probably tell you more than you ever wanted to know about me.

Feel free to tease and laugh at me if it will make your day. :)

Like my friend Marilee, I hate sticking my hand down the drain (or garbage disposal). This is why I married my husband. He can do all the dirty work. :)

I watch re-runs of Saved by the Bell episodes every morning while I eat breakfast. I watched this show as a kid and there is something nostalgic about it. (TBS is the station, in case anyone is interested in joining me!)

I do this weird thing while driving on the interstate (we don't have a "highway" where I live- just an interstate, though this would apply to a highway also). I grind my teeth whenever I pass a guardrail and I only grind which ever side the guardrail is on. If there's one on both sides I grind all my teeth. Weird, I know, but then I never claimed to be normal.

I hate wearing socks. If I could do the flip flop thing all winter long, I would. As soon as it breaks 50 degrees outside I bust those baby's out.

I think that fresh cilantro makes any dish better. Truly I do. I even bet you that it wouldn't be half bad coated in dark chocolate. Because we all know that chocolate makes everything better too. The next peanut butter and jelly me thinks.

Oh- the hubby just walked in the door. Time to go sweat my butt of. Did I say Ugh! yet?!?!

A Little Innocence Lost

2008-11-17T13:37:00.004-05:00

So, play date at the library this morning. Met a couple girlfriends (See, I'm making progress in the friendship department ! Yay!) and their kiddos in the children section. I don't know if y'alls libraries are like this, but ours has this big area with toys and puppets for the kids to play with. Lots of kids running around and having fun. Great time for mom's to chat and have some "bonding" time. :)

Anyway, kids are playing and running around everywhere. Jaron wanders up to this other little boy about his size. I am watching from a distance as he approaches and I can tell that he really wants this little boy to play with him. Instead of playing, when Jaron gets up close, this little boy grabs Jaron's face on both sides and scratches him!

Jaron's eyes welled up with tears, and he got a big boo-boo lip and was about to cry. Then he reared his arms back and shoved that little boy to his butt!! I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry! Obviously, I ran over to him and just then the other mom get's there. Of course she's bit perturbed b/c all she saw was Jaron pushing her son and not what her son did to Jaron.

Anyway, I made Jaron apologize for acting out of anger, but inside I was SO proud of my boy for defending himself. We are not a "just turn the other cheek" kind of family. We do not want to raise a bully and will not tolerate Jaron being an antagonist (like that little boy was) but we do want Jaron to defend himself when necessary.

Poor Jaron has a horrible scratch on his face and on the cornea (white part) of his eye. But the hardest part is that Jaron now knows that it's possible to hurt people like that. I'm sad that he had to learn that lesson at such a young age. I know I can't protect him forever, but I guess I was hoping it would be another year or so before he saw someone acting aggressively towards him.

And I have to be honest, I am bit mad at myself for not saying something more to the other mom. She has no clue that her kid scratched Jaron's face. I should have spoken up more and I'm sad that Jaron didn't see me defending him better than I did. I with I could redo the conversation I had with her.

I guess Jaron and I both learned something from this situation today.

On Friendships and Being Shy

2008-11-13T09:19:00.006-05:00

In my head I am really this outgoing, gregarious person. I make good conversation with witty remarks always on the tip of my tongue. I am selfless and encouraging and always smiling.

In reality I think I am more like a hermit. A quiet, wallflower is more accurate. (Except when I am with my family, then I more closely resemble those traits I mentioned above.) This shyness is something I really dislike about myself, honestly. I wish that I could make friends more easily. I wish that I wasn't so darn weary about getting myself out there and meeting other moms.

But, ugh, the thought of having to go through that whole "who are you, where have you been, what do you like" phase just makes me sick to my stomach.

I have been working really hard at some friendships lately. Not trying too hard, but working hard. (And yes, there is a difference between trying too hard and working hard at something.) I feel like I am beginning to see some changes happening. Not in the others I am spending time with, but in me. I feel like the more I focus on being in the moment the more myself I am able to be.

The me I want to be, anyways.

I am happy with many of my character traits. And I do realize that God made us all with a special uniqueness that makes us, us. But I also recognize that there are things in me that need to change. I cannot live my life without companionship. My husband is great and all, but I can only talk for so long about cooking and decorating before his eyes glaze over! :)

I will tell you one thing that I love about myself though-- I love that I am a loyal friend. My parents taught me a lot about being loyal and it is something that has always stuck with me. I will defend my friends to the end and stick by through thick and thin. I think it's one of my best features, if I do say so myself! :)

Heaven knows that we can stand to talk about the good things since I'm sure we all obsess over the bad way too much! :) So, let's all get a little egotistical today-- what's the best thing about you?? What do you love most about yourself?

Some Linky Love

2008-11-04T18:56:00.003-05:00

* Updated to ad a new link**

Because I'm glued to the all the Election Coverage and b/c things have been way to crazy in my head (thus the absense from the ole' blog), here is some linky love. In case you need something else to do besides watch all the hoopla going on.

Of toothbrushes and surrender by Jackie @ Our Moments, Our Memories- made me cry. Her writing is simply beautiful.

I am already married, but I am drooling over all the pretty things at Style Me Pretty.

These funky boots have me wishing I was sassy enough to own them.

Has anyone else discovered Letters to a Parent? I'm loving it.

Pretty much adoring this house. Wishing it were mine. *Sigh*

Just saw this Letter from Earthcamp and was moved. I needed to hear (see) this reminder today.

Okay, that should keep y'all busy for a while. I'll be back when all the swirling in my brain slows down a bit.

Happy Election Day! :p

Comfort Food

2008-10-28T15:25:00.005-04:00

It is cold and dreary here, with snow in the forecast for this evening. Ick. I've suffered through with a nap (or 2!), some reading, a little fort building, a block tower building session and some good ole' comfort food cooking. My house smells like heaven right now y'all. I have some delicious stew simmering in the crock pot and drop biscuits in the oven. My mouth is watering just smelling all the goodness floating around my house!

I can't wait for dinner!! :)

So, what do you cook on a day when comfort food is the only way to go??

Go Now...

2008-10-22T22:13:00.001-04:00

and read this.

The Case Of The Missing Poop

2008-10-17T10:05:00.005-04:00

Jonathan had to be at work early this morning and was out the door at 7:30. Jaron had just finished eating his breakfast and I was rushing around trying to get ready before the little baby I watch arrived. I was in the midst of craziness (in my drama queen mind) at the exact moment that Jaron appeared at my bedroom door. With poop smeared all over his hands.

And poop down his legs.

And poop on his feet.

And poop between his toes.

And, oh yeah, poop all over the floor too.

Here's the thing... there wasn't much poop in his diaper. And the poop that was clinging to his leg wasn't enough to paint the rest of his body, and my carpets, in as many coats of brown as there appeared to be. That meant that somewhere in my house was a pile of poop.

Fabulous. Just fabulous.

After getting Jaron and his cute little tush cleaned off, I searched my house high and low, looking for the missing poop. Y'all, it was no where to be found. No. Where.

That leaves only one logical conclusion.

Yep, the dog ate the poop.

I must go throw up now. And brush my teeth obsessively. And light all the candles in the house to rid it of the nasty smell, and memory, of stinky little boy poop.

Have a ~~poopy~~, um I mean, a happy Friday, y'all.

Ah, The Memories...

2008-10-15T16:39:00.005-04:00

I have exactly 3,774 pictures in iPhotos. It's running a little slow these days as I just keep lumping more photos into the pot. If I'm scrolling through folders it takes forever for them to load. I am not a patient person and the slowness is getting to me! :) So, today I decided to tackle purging out the memories and storing them on our external hard drive.

You know what? Purging online photos is just like trying to purge out the junk closet-- 2 hours later and I have done nothing but take a trip down memory lane!

Here, I'll let you take a peek at my favorites so far...

my siblings and I as little ones

the hubs and I as Bonnie and Clyde for a costume party back in 2001

my love and I on our wedding day

my love and I on the day we found out we were going to be parents

daddy's first glimpse

momma's first glimpse

our funny guy

finally catching the smile on camera

I Wish I Had Something Interesting To Say Today...

2008-10-14T14:31:00.002-04:00

but I don't. In fact, I just woke up from a nap (not an every day luxury so I took advantage today) and I am still a bit nap groggy. Know the feeling?

Went to a Beth Moore event last night. You know, I adore her, however last night was just off. All the ladies I went with agreed that it was a bit discombobulated. The worship was a little over the top, and her message felt very piecemeal.

Now, don't get me wrong.... I am not criticizing, really. I was glad I went and came away with a ton of little nuggets that I am excited to dig deeper on. Maybe that's the point of her events anyway?? And I would/will go to another one if I get the chance. I will say that I am very excited about her new Ester bible study.

Anyhoo... what's new out there in blog land? Anyone have big, exciting things happening these days? I usually have around 50 blog hits a day and I have no clue who all y'all are! So, leave me a comment and let's start getting to know each other a bit more.

(PS... anyone got an good vegetarian recipes out there? I'm in need of some new ideas! Help!)

2008-10-10T06:00:00.001-04:00

I have a beautiful family, inside and out. I have been missing them like crazy this week and I often wish that my brothers and their wives lived closer! I keep looking back over vacation pictures wishing we were still all together.

I love you family! (Yes, even you Gabe, in spite of the nasty comments you keep leaving on my blog!) :)

**If you want to join in with Finding Beauty Friday, please do! Just make sure to leave me a comment so I can check out your post too!**

Happy Friday Y'all!

My Own Little Jonny Appleseed

2008-10-09T06:00:00.000-04:00

We went apple picking this past weekend and have a TON of apples. I've made applesauce, apple butter, apple strudel muffins, and still we have a ton of apples left. We told Jaron that he could have an apple whenever he wanted one and he has taken us up on that offer.

Currently he is having quiet time, reading a book, and eating an apple. And he is so proud of himself because he can say "apple" clear as day. He gets really excited when he is able to ask for what he wants. It's cute.

And did you get a good look at those chubby little fingers holding that apple?? Oh, so adorable. I love every inch of my little man.

My Happy Journal

2008-10-08T12:02:00.003-04:00

I tend to be a bit of a serious person. I love to laugh and have fun, but I often find myself so focused on whatever task it at hand that I forget to enjoy the process. Having a child helps with this a lot- especially one like Jaron who loves to make people laugh.

Recently I joined a woman's bible study and I am loving it. They ladies leading the study bought journals for everyone and had us design our covers in anyway we wanted. Since I have been feeling to serious lately I focused on decorating mine with "Happy" words. Family, laughter, joy, passion, adventure, etc. I also included one of my favorite quotes, "He who hath not a dram of folly in his mixture, hath pounds of much worse matter in his composition." (Charles Lamb)

I have been using my journal every night to jot down my favorite happy memories from the day. It has become a great exercise of remembrance for me. I have noticed that as I go about my day I am more aware of the fun things that happen. It will be fun to look back and see all the small things that brought me joy throughout my year. :)

Well, yesterday, I was cleaning up in the kitchen when Jaron disappeared into my bedroom. He loves to roll around on our bed and throw himself down on our pillows, so I did not think much of it. After a few minutes I noticed it was WAY too quiet. I went in to peak on him and found him taking a pen to my journal cover. Pretty much the whole front cover was marked out by baby scribble.

Oh, did I mention there was also pen on my duvet cover?

Yeah, he had made a masterpiece. And he was SOOO proud of himself. He stood there clapping his hands excited for me to see his work of art.

My first response was to get upset at the mess he had made. But when I looked down into his sweet little face, my heart melted. I guess the point of the happy journal is to LIGHTEN! UP! and this was just the time to start.

I love that God has a sense of humor!

Y'all

2008-10-07T07:18:00.003-04:00

Just in case anyone was wondering, I may live in the North but I am a Southerner. Born and bred. Tried and true.

I had a small stint in So. Cal where I fell head over heels in love with the beach, but other than that, my Southern heritage remains in tact.

I now live in the Northeast, and I may occasionally say "wicked", though I hear that's becoming a national known slang word and not just a "Yankee" word. Also, I may root for the Red Sox and Patriots instead of the Rangers and Cowboys, but that's just because my husband does and I seek to honor him. (ha!) :)

All of this to say-- I not only type the word "y'all", I say it too. And I'm allowed. It's apart of my heritage.

You can take the girl out of Texas, but you cannot take the Texas out of the girl.

So there.

:)

The Winter Blues Arrive A Little Earlier Every Year

2008-10-05T22:46:00.004-04:00

Um, okay, when did it turn cold? Because it's cold outside and my blood has not even begun to thicken for the impending winter. I am pretty much an ice cube already and it's only in the mid 50's. What am I going to do when it's -20 in a few months? (Yes, it does get that cold where I live. Sometimes it even stays that cold for days without end. Why do I live in such a place, you ask? Heck if I know. I ask myself that same question every day of the loooooong winter.)

Anyway, I know it is cold because the thermometer says it's cold and also because I had to bust out the socks. Y'all, I despise wearing socks.

Socks seriously cramp my flip flop style.

I have lived in the cold Northeast for going on 9 years now and I have yet to be correctly attired for the winter season. Some how I manage to just squeak by with a few enough necessities to make it through. A decent coat, some so-so boots and gloves.

I am not into winter sports, at all. (Though to be fair I should admit that the only winter sport I have tried was snowboarding. Unless of course, sledding counts, but something tells me it doesn't quite.) Therefore clothing of an adequate matter has not been too big a priority. I go from the house to the car, the car to (insert warm destination here).

But all that is about to change. You see, I have an extremely active toddler on my hands. Extremely active. And something tells me he is not going to be content with the house, car, car, warm place routine. Something, call it Mother's Intuition if you will, tells me that he is going to like the snow. And want to play in the snow. And go for walks in the snow. And build snow men and make snow angles and generally just roll around in the snow. Oh, and he will also probably want to eat the snow, which I am sure will taste better than all the sand he consumed while we were on our vacation.

Are you catching my drift (he he, drift, get it?) here?

Those things will all require me, cold hater, to spend time in the very atmosphere of which I loathe. Therefore adequate attire is now required. Ugh.

Sooooo, I need some help. Mostly in the boot department. Anyone got any cute, yet completely functional boot options for me?

I would like stylish, yet water proof and well insulated. Also, ease of on/off would be great. And no Uggs or "moon boots" please. Tried 'em, don't like 'em.

So, hit me with your best boot recommendation. Help make this winter bearable for a momma in need!

** As an added bonus, I will give away a little prize (Starbucks anyone?) to the commenter that suggests a pair of boots that fits all my requirements and results in a purchase. (Yep, I am that desperate!)**

My Little Dancing Fool

2008-10-01T11:50:00.001-04:00

Did you catch how he reacted when I asked him to turn around? The slight pause (and eye roll as he has recently perfected this act), and then he followed my instructions perfectly. By turning all the way around. *Sigh* Guess that will teach me to say "turn around" when what I really meant was "Face your momma son so I can make sure everyone will see your adorable dancing face."

Oh well. I think the cuteness factor is still there! :)

Disappointment

2008-09-26T15:13:00.001-04:00

Disappointment. What a nasty word. Webster defines it as “failing to meet the expectations or hope of” [someone].

I don’t see myself as a people pleaser. I don’t worry about meeting the unattainable needs of everyone around me. I know that I am only human, and a selfish one at that. I know that I cannot live up to everyone else’s expectations of who I should be or what I should do. But it’s different when it’s someone close to me; someone with whom I’ve built a relationship. When I let those kinds of people down, it is a hard thing to come to grips with.

As an adult looking back over my life, I realize I’ve always had hang up’s with disappointment. Some of my most vivid childhood memories are of times when I was a disappointment to my parents. That’s not to say I didn’t have a happy and loving childhood. My parent’s are wonderful parents. But I could be a bit of a stinker as kid. Shocker, I know, but I was. And I remember a few times when my dad said, “Casey Michelle, I am so disappointed in you.” No other punishment was needed. Knowing I was a disappointment was harsh enough.

I don’t blame this hang up on my parents. In a way, I blame it on God. He’s the one who gave me a conscience. He’s lavish love has ruined me. Because He loves me, I know I can be a disappointment to Him. Because He’s sacrificed so much for me, I know I can, and will, let Him down. If He hadn’t given so much, or loved so deeply, the disappointment wouldn't be so bad.

It makes me think of Paul in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

First of all: I do not understand what I do. It’s true. I don’t always "get me" and the decisions I make.

Second of all: I do what I hate. Doesn't make sense, but I’m lazy and undisciplined. True confession.

Thankfully, the story doesn’t end with disappointment.

“Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. I'm back home in the house of God for the rest of my life”. Psalms 23:6 (The Message)

“Then GOD promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the night! My life is God's prayer”. Psalms 42: 8 (The Message)

“They found grace out in the desert, these people who survived the killing. Israel, out looking for a place to rest, met God out looking for them! God told them, ‘I've never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love!’” Jeremiah 31: 2-3 (The Message)

My favorite part- “Expect love, love and more love!”

Salty Things, or A Continuation Of An Earlier Post

2008-09-24T14:00:00.003-04:00

(In case you missed it, read Part I first.)

I feel that I first must say that this is hard information to adequately convey. I mean hard as in can't find the right words, not as in emotionally difficult. :) I have tried several times to get this all down in a way that does is justice. As if we were having a conversation face to face. It's hard to do y'all!

You see, as I studied the significance of salt I was really blown away. And then, out of this knowledge, the Lord started speaking to me in new and exciting ways.

Salt was a form of currency back in the day. It had value and importance. So much so that in Leviticus 2:13 the Lord God command it be apart of the grain offerings. “Do not leave the salt of the covenant of your God out of your grain offerings.”

And get this; the grain offering was made to show honor and respect to God in worship. Salt was apart of their worshiping God! It was an acknowledgment that all we have belongs to God. It was seen as a symbol of God’s activity in a person’s life, because it "penetrates, preserves and aids in healing". (Haley's Bible Handbook)

In the middle of all this discovery, I was having some really hard days. The kind of days that find you grappling within your spirit. Do you know the kinds of days I am talking about? I was sick to my stomach and on the verge of a panic attack. There was 1 particular situation in my life that I was stressing over. An obligation that was doing me in. I really need clear direction and I wasn't getting any at all.

There I was reading about salt and reading Matthew 5:13 over and over and asking the Lord to shift something in my life, to make some change, to let things loose. (Really, this was a dangerous request, because who knows what He might do! Just shows how desperate I was for resolution.)

Anyway, as I'm reading I realized that I have lost my saltiness. I had become quite content with the status quo and let my flavor fade. At this point the only thing I could do was to cry out to the Lord. So that's how I start praying, "Lord make me salty again! How can I be salt again?!" I was really crying out to Him, seeking direction and I wasn't hearing any response.

Around that time was this worship night thingy that Jonathan was playing drums at. I was looking forward to a good soaking worship time. I thought that maybe I would hear from the Lord then. It would be a more free flowing service and maybe, just maybe, someone would have a word for me or pray over me and the Lord's voice would be made clear. Maybe I would figure out how to be salty again.

That night came and went with not a peep from the heavens.

My soul was downcast and I was feel forgotten. I laid in bed that night and bawled my eyes out. Feeling sorry for myself, I rolled over to go to sleep when, clear as day, my heart heard, "Your tears have salt in them and they are valuable to me."

(more to come...)

Home and Some Photos

2008-09-21T09:30:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm home. Can't say I'm thrilled about it as it's cloudy and cold here. I am missing the beach already!!!! Not to mention my family. I wish that my brothers and their wives lived closer. They are so much fun! Truly, they are some of my favorite people.

Instead of uploading a ton of photos, I put together a little Flickr slide show. (Hopefully it works okay!) I will be back in a day or so (after I tackle the mountain of laundry) to get back in the swing of blogging.

I have missed you, my bloggy friends!!

Just In Case You Wanted To Know...

2008-09-15T07:54:00.003-04:00

I'm having a great time on vacation. Minus the cold I have; and the fact that Jaron has decided he no longer needs to sleep at night. Good thing the tan I'm getting covers up the dark circles under my eyes.

Jonathan and I are thinking we might never go home. The house we are staying at is beautiful... right across the street from the beach. The weather is perfect. And I love, LOVE, spending time with all my family.

So, if I could just get some sleep to get rid of this cold, it would be perfect.......

I'll post pictures soon, I promise. I'm just having too much fun to be bother with such trivial things right now!! ;)

Thoughts On Life On A Cloudy Day

2008-09-12T09:20:00.004-04:00

Saint Irenaeus said that the "Glory of God is man fully alive." That is such an astounding thought to me. That God's Glory is found in me living life fully. Fully His way, not fully my way, of course, but how much better His way is for me!!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus speaking] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." ~John 10:10

"Come to me to have life" ~John 5:40

"I am the bread of life" ~John 6:48

"Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." ~John 6:48

It seems that the ebbs and flows of life often feel like life and death. Not in the dire way that those words suggest, but more in the sense of enjoyment vs drudgery. Does that make any sense at all?

I guess what I am trying to say is that I go through so many days just barely making it. Tired, cranky, irritable... the list could go on... those days come and are to be expected, yet can they be avoided? If I were really seeking to live my life in Christ- FULLY- wouldn't those days be less and less? Would my life be more joyful, even in sorrow, if I were really pursuing perfection in Christ?

I like to be perfect, but I strive to fulfill the worlds definition of perfection. Not Christ's. No wonder I am tired and cranky and irritable! If I would accept the words of the Lord, accept that He is Life, then I might truly be able to live each day fully alive.

I long for to go to be at night knowing that every moment of my day counted. Every moment was important and vital. Even if I spent time vegging out on the couch- those moments still count towards my rejuvenation, right?! ;)

There is a stirring in my spirit. I've said it before, but I feel it so strongly these days. The Lord is at work. I am excited and scared all at once. Who knows what might be asked of me by Him?

I tingle with excitement, knowing that His offer of Life is so much better than mine.

On A Walk With Jaron

2008-09-10T08:16:00.005-04:00

I have a post started but can't for the life of me figure out how to end it. Grrrr! I'm letting it ruminate for the moment and I'll get it out later today or tomorrow. Until then I will show off a few photos of my boy.

He keeps me on my toes, this boy of mine, but oh how I love him! :)

Meanderings and Such

2008-09-08T09:53:00.004-04:00

Yay for health! We are all healthy (minus some allergy issues) and doing well. Whew!! So glad that is over. I'm tellin' ya, it is a scary thing to see your usually perky toddler completely un-perky. Un-perky, as in lying in bed, eyes wide open, but not moving or blinking or speaking or singing or clapping or anything else of that nature. I don't think I've ever seen him be so still. And the 104 fever didn't help matters much. Nor did the body rash or the blisthers coving his cute little hiney.

Poor thing.

Now that that's over we can look full ahead to our VACATION! I cannot tell y'all how truly excited I am about this vacation. We need it more than ever. Jonathan has been so stressed at work and strechted thin with extra-curricular actives. I have been overwhelmed with sickness and taking care of a friends baby during the week. Not to mention trying to sell this condo. I am ready to just "be". Getting to hang with all my family is such an added bonus.

And the beach! Oh how I miss the beach!! I am truly excited beyond words.

My folks are driving down later this week and they are carting all our luggage with them. Jonathan, Jaron and I will fly down on Saturday and it will be so helpful not to have to tote all our bags too. This means, of course, that I have to be packed in advance. Since I am watching a friends baby Weds- Fri, I really need to be well sorted out before Wednesday rolls around. Watching a 5 month old and my toddler takes up every ounce of energy and I know no packing will get done on those days. So... cleaning and packing is the name of the game for the next 2 days around here. Fun times.

I feel like there was something else I was going to say... but I'm drawing a blank... oh well. Sorry for the randomness of this post. Not my normal style, but figured I'd just be real with where I am today.

Oh, I remember now... Tom Brady. Ouch! Did anyone watch the Patriots game yesterday? My hubby almost cried. He declares that football season, for him, is now over. Can't say that I mind, entirely. Ha!

Back with more substantial stuff tomorrow. Happy Monday!

An Unexpected Break...

2008-09-02T17:37:00.001-04:00

Hey all... I am taking a little unexpected blogging break to nurse my sweet boy back to health. He has come down with a nasty virus (we suspect it might be Hand Foot & Mouth Disease) and he is in constant need of mommy time.

I will resurface once he is on the mend, hopefully in a day or so.

Funky Hair, Fun Fair

2008-09-01T11:13:00.008-04:00

First things first... I got my hair funktified this weekend. I always, ALWAYS, have hair cutters remorse for a few days after the cut, even if I just get a trim. This is a huge change for me so the remorse is a bit more intense, but I think it's starting to grow on me. (Get it, "grow" on me?!?! Ha! I am hilarious!)

Anyhoooo... here are a few pictures...

Not the greatest shots, but I think you can get the idea. I got it cut and had some sassy red highlights added. I wanted something less blah and I would say I got it! :)

Now... on to the fair. We took Jaron yesterday and had a blast! We went with Nanna and Papa (my folks) and Jaron was in awe of just about everything. It was also the night that the Jonas Brothers were in concert so the place was packed with screaming girls! We got a few chuckles in at the antics of the crazed fans.

Here are a few shots of our day at the fair...

Now we are off to enjoy a family Bar-B-Que. Gotta love 3 day weekends! :)

What A Difference A Year Makes

2008-08-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

I have been feeling very reminiscent lately. My baby is growing up and I am not sure I like it! Truthfully, this age/stage is my favorite yet, however I am not ready for him to grow beyond it. He is chattering so much and is proud to show off the words he knows. Any day now I expect to hear him speaking full sentences!

He has learned that he can pull his little walking toy up to the wall and reach the light switches by standing on it. He can open the doors around the house and his big thing this week is twisting lids off of things, be it daddy's coffee cups or momma's water bottles.

My boy runs around the house chasing the poor dog. It seems Maddie's tail is a source of endless pleasure for Jaron! (Poor Maddie, she's been spending lots of time hiding under the bed!) I wish you could all hear him squeal when he chases her!! It makes my heart leap with joy to hear him.

I was going through some photos the other day and found this one of Jaron and daddy at the beach last summer. He was 3 1/2 months in this picture.

These 3 are shots of him this summer (15 months). He has turned into a little water baby. He loves the beach (though he's yet to experience a real ocean beach) and he especially loves the sand. I can't wait to see him during our upcoming vacation. He is going to have a blast!!

Everyday I can't imagine loving him more, and yet every day I do. How is a heart capable of so much love? (And to think, our Heavenly Father loves even more than that!) Jaron is such a special little guy and I thank the Lord with every breath for allowing me the honor and privilege of being his momma.

Salt

2008-08-26T06:00:00.002-04:00

I was smack dab in the middle of a dry spell. I was thirsty for something, anything and yet I was stuck. Dry. Parched. I was struggling with my faith; grappling with indecision; unable to move forward, unwilling to try.

One day I found another woman’s story and it spoke to me. Who she is, and what her testimony contains is not truly important to my story. What is important is that after reading her words, after hearing her heart, after witnessing her depth of peace, I realized my choice had already been made. I could wait it out as long as I wanted, but the God I bound myself to as a child was wooing me back to His heart.

One conviction I’ve had for a long time is that I tend to speed read the bible as though I am reading my favorite novel. That whole quantity vs quality conundrum, you know? As I was reading this woman’s words I found myself most drawn to the stories of her connections to God’s Word. She was going through a tragedy, yet time and time again she found endless comfort in the scriptures she studied. Her secret, she said, was taking it one sentence, one word, at a time.

I wanted what she had. I found myself longing for that connection. I wanted an answer to my loneliness.

A few days later I settled in with my bible… and a few concordances… and my journal… and of course, my favorite pen. :) (Had to be prepared, ya know?!) I quieted my heart before the Lord and asked him to speak to me. Immediately, the words from a Lifehouse song popped into my head.

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

(Everything, by Lifehouse)

Those words consecrated my time with the Lord. They sealed off distractions; they bound up the enemy’s whispers. In the midst of those few phrases I found myself laid bare before Him and completely ready to receive.

When I opened up my bible I was drawn to Matthew 5:13, “You are the salt off the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?”

As I quickly read this verse my mind was already on the next phrase when my heart yelled, “Stop. Go back. Slow down. DON’T MISS THIS!!” Surprised by the intensity of this quickening, I reread the text many times, taking it word by word. As I soaked it up I began to journal my initial thoughts…

Have I lost my saltiness? (YES!)
How does salt lose its saltiness?
How can I be made salty again? Is it possible?
What is/are the purpose(s) of salt?
Flavor, preserver, curing meats, causes water to reach boiling point more quickly...

The more I thought about this verse the more intrigued I became by what the Lord was trying to say to me. I began to research it more in depth and I was profoundly impacted by what I discovered...

(to be continued!)

Did Anyone Even Know I Was Gone?!? :)

2008-08-25T15:55:00.004-04:00

I took a week off from blogging because I needed time to process what the Lord has been doing in my life. To quote a line from an email I recently sent out, " I feel like my insides are being churned up. 'For what purpose Lord?!' I have asked this question of Him multiple times a day."

I don't have an answer to that question, yet. But I am confident that I will.

Can I share a bit of what He's been teaching me? I hope you'll humor a few posts this week of more depth than usual. I know last week I replayed some old thoughtful ones, but I was hoping they would help set the stage for this week.

I promise only 1 or 2 that require some thinking! I will make sure to sprinkle in some photos and a new recipe or two! :)

I love you, my internet friends. Thanks for indulging me.

See tomorrow with part 1 of my journey!

My Summer Journey

2008-08-23T06:00:00.001-04:00

Originally posted August 11, 2006 (This post was written a few days before I found out I was pregnant with Jaron.)

For me, this summer has been full of rich experiences to glean wisdom from. Many, many rich times. God is really stirring up things in my heart through my travels and through His word.

I feel like I've grown in my "everyday faith". Like I've been challenged and stretched to the point of discomfort, yet I have found comfort in knowing I am becoming more of who He wants me to be. I feel a new passion coursing through my veins. A new awareness of His presence in my life.

I don't like to be challenged. Yet, I feel like this summer has been one challenge after another for me, personally. Not in any dramatic, visible way. But in subtle, heart moving ways. Like God has curled up in side the chambers of my heart- feeding me small doses of "Awe" as I need them.

Does that make sense? I am not sure how else to explain it.

I get frustrated with just about all things Vermont. I get fed up with the rainy days, slow drivers and Targetless towns.

But God is here. God is in Vermont.

God is in Jonathan and I in Vermont.

I want so badly to be in a sunshine, 70 degree weather all the time kind of place. I must get to the place where I want to be in God's will more than all of that. I know I am living in God's will right now, but I have to learn to WANT that. I feel like a huge part of this summer has been Him drilling that into my thick skull.

I don't know if you have ever read the book of Nahum. It's a crazy little book sandwiched in between Micah and Habakkuk. It is all about how God is angry at Nineveh and is seeking vengeance. The book rages with words of destruction. Then in the middle of the first chapter, there is this little nugget of hope. A little reminder of God's mercy. It says, "God is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes any one looking for help." (1:7)

Strangely enough, this book has ministered to me quite a bit lately. I do not see myself as being in tough times and it is not that verse alone that speaks to me. It is the amazing love of God that is demonstrated by the strategic placement of the verse that blows my mind. In the middle of chaos, God reminds His people of His love. Even when terror is raining down upon them- terror that God ordained- He still wants them to remember His love.

This fact, this revelation has brought me to my knees. The tender heart of God has been made so evident to me through the book of Nahum. If you have read the book, you will understand the complete irony of that statement. I feel as though I can better grasp His care for me now. I can sit back and relax in the here and now of my life. I can be content with Vermont. All because God left a little nugget in a random place.

I can't put into words the desire of my heart right now.

All I can say is; I feel like for the first time in my life- in spite of all the things I may deem wrong with my life- I can honestly see His tender care for me, even now.

In The Shadow Of His Hand

2008-08-22T06:00:00.003-04:00

Originally posted October 20, 2006

I have posted several times about how I often suffer from severe panic/anxiety attacks. I have been seeing a counselor however I have found that the biggest help has been my quiet times with the Lord. I have committed to getting up every morning (okay almost every morning) to spend at least an hour in worship, prayer and God's word before starting my day.

During these times of conversation with God, He has been revealing Himself to me in new and amazing ways. He has also been refining my heart by showing me things in my life that must change. This is a hard, but much needed, process.

Ephesians 2: 4-10 says the following;

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. It is only by God's special favor that you have been saved! For he raised us from the dead along with Christ, and we are seated with him in the heavenly realms--all because we are one with Christ Jesus. And so God can always point to us as examples of the incredible wealth of his favor and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us through Christ Jesus.

God saved you by his special favor when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
(New Living Translation, emphasis mine)

This has been a huge revelation for me. I do not know how many times I had to read that passage before it finally sank in.

God does not base His blessing/protection/love/etc. for me on my quantity, or quality, of time spent with Him. He desires a deep and full relationship with me, but no "work" I do, good or bad, will change His love for me.

I'm a stubborn person and it took me until now to believe this truth in my heart. Yet the truth of it frees me up so much. Who I am is not defined by what I do. Who I am is defined only by Christ living in me. (Galatians 2:20)

This has been a hard one for me to accept. I am a "doer". I like to be busy and accomplish things. I love making lists and seeing the items checked off at the end of the day. Also, this one is hard because I am always striving for more and I am not good at being okay with what I have already.

And the biggest revelation of all has been that I don't have to figure it all out.

Whenever God gives a vision to a saint, He puts him, as it were, in the shadow of His hand, and the saint's duty is to be still and listen. There is a darkness which comes from excess of light, and then is the time to listen… When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordance with the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfill His word.
(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

I don't have all the answers. I don't know why I struggle with panic attacks. I don't know why I am on this journey or where it ends. And that's okay. I don't have to have all the answers now, and maybe I never will. I have to come to a place where I am content in Christ alone.

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
(Philippians 4:12-13)

Lesson Number Two...

2008-08-21T06:00:00.002-04:00

Originally posted August 3, 2006.

By nature, I am extremely inquisitive. Growing up my mother always called it "nosey," however that has a very negative undertone, so I'll stick with inquisitive. Besides, it sounds much more sophisticated.

Anyway, as I was saying, I tend to ask a lot of questions. Not all of them out loud. Most are held captive in my vast imagination, as I fear asking too many questions will annoy those around me. But I wonder silently about stuff. Stuff like...

Doesn't that lady, wearing that heavy, wool sweater realize it's a thousand degrees outside right now?

If I rearrange the living room furniture, again, will my husband notice? And if he does notice, will he be upset?

Does that person realize their socks don't match their pants?

You know, things like that. I didn't say they were deep, intelligent questions. Just questions. About living life kinda things. Everyday things. Those are the kinds of questions I keep to myself.

Then there are the kinds of ponderings I have out loud. These are usually directed at my husband who must decide if I want an honest answer or if just shrugging "Uh, huh" will do. These questions are usually a bit deeper, with more thought behind them. They might sound a little like this...

Hmm, do you think melted ice cream has fewer calories than frozen ice cream, allowing me to eat more of it without the guilt?

Why do inter league games in the MLB count towards a team's overall record? (As a side note, I don't think they should, but what do I know?)

Again, not the mind blowing inquiries of a future Nobel Prize winner. Just some random puzzlements that pop into my head and require some sort of response.

I save the more philosophical ones for God. His answers are always right so I just go straight to the top.

Why was I born into a middle class family in the US while that little girl was born into a family who lives, works, and eats in the garbage dump of a third world country?

Why should I pray for world peace if I already know the end result?

What's the point of a pinky toe?

There are usually a few "What the heck does that scripture mean?" thrown in there, too. And yes, some of my God questions are a little ditzy, but doesn't everyone have a few like that?

Occasionally, my questions to God are muttered in anger. I used to feel guilty about this. Like I was going to hurt God's feelings or something. Then I read the book of Habakkuk. Here's what he has to say...

"God, how long do I have to cry out for help before you listen?
How many times do I have to yell, "Help! Murder! Police!" before you come to the rescue?" (1:2)

The majority of the prophets in the bible speak God's word to us. But Habakkuk speaks our words to God. He asks our questions. He sees an injustice happening around him and he throws it up to God.

"What is going on here? Are you still listening? Do you realize what’s happening down here on earth? Are you going to let us die?" (paraphrasing here)

But here's my favorite...

"God, you chose Babylonians for your judgment work?
Rock-Solid God, you gave them the job of discipline?
But you can't be serious!" (1:12)

Habakkuk, being a prophet, speaks intensely and passionately. This doesn't change just because he's addressing God. He knows God can handle it and he just asks away with all the gusto he's used to using.

But here is where I really learned from my buddy HK...

"What's God going to say to my questions?
I'm braced for the worst.
I'll climb to the lookout tower and scan the horizon.
I’ll wait to see what God says,
how he'll answer my complaint." (2:1)

He stopped, took up a watchful stance and waited on God. And God answered him; probably not in the way HK was hoping, but it was a response all the same. It was a reminder that God is still in charge. It was an admonishment, but it gave HK hope. God was on His throne. God could handle the questions and the wondering.

"God's on his way again,
retracing the old salvation route...
Skies are blazing with his splendor,
his praises sounding through the earth,
His cloud-brightness like dawn,
exploding, spreading,
forked-lightning shooting from his hand-
what power hidden in that fist!
Plague marches before him,
pestilence at his heels!
He stops. He shakes Earth.
He looks around. Nations tremble." (3:3-5)

Habakkuk asks his questions, get's his answer, and praises God. Even when the answer wasn't what he wanted. He still praises.

Lesson number two in this phase of growing... Ask all the questions you want, but take time to listen for the answer. And regardless of the answer, God is still Almighty and He still deserves my praise.

"Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!" (4:17-19)

(All scripture quoted from The Message)

Lesson Number One...

2008-08-20T06:00:00.003-04:00

Originally posted August 1, 2006.

So, I am having some growing pains. That familiar, dull ache, deep in the bones. The kind that requires stretching and changing positions to ease the tension.

I am not a huge fan of any kind of pain (who is?) however, growing pains are really the pits. Relief is not quick in coming and Advil doesn't usually cut it.

I am not big on stretching either. Fitness experts tell me that I am supposed to stretch before/after (debate the proper time to stretch amongst yourselves) working out to prevent the pulling of "something." I, being the amazing athlete that I am, skip this step more often than not. For one, I am an amazing athlete and stretching is for beginners. (Please keep the laughing down; I am trying to make a point here.) Secondly, if I am going to pull "something" it will be while I am stretching. I am that good. Yes, I am. :)

I also quite dislike having to change sleeping positions before I am good and ready. It takes me a while to get comfortable, and therefore it takes me a while to fall asleep. So, once I snuggle into that perfect spot, I like to lounge in it for a while.

But that's just me.

The torture I am experiencing these days is growing pains of the spiritual variety. Yes, I know, spiritual growth is considered a good thing. Why then, does this good thing require pain?

I can hear Mr. Breuninger (my HS bible teacher) now... (insert deep, wise, slightly sarcastic voice here) "Well, you know Tozer once said, 'Complacency is the deadly enemy of spiritual progress. The contented soul is the stagnant soul.' "

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

So, here is the first lesson I've learned since this round of growing began...

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe... Take pains with these things; be absorbed in them, so that your progress will be evident to all. Pay close attention to yourself..."

1 Timothy 4: 12, 15 & 16

LESSON SUMMARY: Take "pains" and pay close attention to the areas of speech, conduct, love, faith and purity. These things show others who I really am.

And hopefully, they reflect that I am a struggling, but GROWING, follower of Christ.

Grrr... where's the Advil?

Break Me Off A Piece Of That Kit Kat Bar

2008-08-19T19:18:00.003-04:00

So, I thought today was Monday. Guess what? It's not. It's Tuesday. Just thought I would share that info with you in case you didn't know already that it's Tuesday and not Monday. Now that we are clear on that, I can move on...

My head is in a fog. (Can you tell?) I have too much on my plate this week. I am weary. And I am having one H-E-double-hockey-sticks of an allergy attack. To put it simply I am all spent and I have nothing left to give right now.

I love blogging, but in the scheme of things, it's low on the priority list. Something has to give this week and I choose The Blog. However, have no fear, I will not be gone forever, just for the week. I promise I will be back with bigger and better things. (We'll maybe not bigger and better, but I will be back.)

But wait! There's more!

While I am away I will be reposting a few oldies. I have selected a few of my more meaningful posts for you to ruminate over. I have a big-ole-juicy-God-filled blog going on and on and on in my head. I am hoping that maybe this week I can get it on cyber paper for y'all to read next week when I come back.

Until then... enjoy the archives! :)

Love,
Casey

PS I love KitKats.

Casual Cooking

2008-08-14T14:36:00.005-04:00

In case you have missed the new little link in the tabs up top... I've got a new pet project going on. Casual Cooking is my recipe/cooking blog. It is simple recipes for the everyday cook. I have found that I am constantly talking about cooking, grocery shopping, new recipes, food, chocolate, whatever! I figured this would be a good outlet to get it all out there.

My friend Sarah will be guest posting on occasion as she is a fabulous cook. I have especially learned a lot from her in the area of grocery shopping on a budget. The woman is a master at it!

So, for all things food related, check out Casual Cooking. And I just added a few new recipes that are delicious!

- Chocolate Cream Cheese Cupcakes
- Fettuccine with Zucchini

Inspiration Needed

2008-08-11T09:42:00.001-04:00

Help! I am brain dead today and have no clue what to put on my menu for this week. Any ideas or fantastic recipes out there?? I am in need of some new meals to put into rotation.

What do y'all have cooking???

Just Call Me Cinderella

2008-08-09T12:00:00.003-04:00

I am cleaning like a mad woman. We have our first showing today and another one tomorrow. There is something disconcerting to think about strangers going through ones home. So I have left no surface untouched. I have dishwater hands to prove it.

I feel like I need to bake cookies, or have dinner on the stove when they get here! :) Maybe if we entertain them they will fall in love with our place and buy it. I told Jonathan he could sweeten the deal by adding a Cookie Clause to the contract. I will bake the buyer of our lovely, cozy home cookies ever other week, for an entire year. Sounded good to me. For some reason Jonathan didn't think buyers were looking for that kind of perk.

Oh well. I tried. (wink)

Say prayers that our place will sell quickly!

Okay, off to scrub the tub!! Have a great weekend!

2008-08-08T06:49:00.005-04:00

I am a big fan of music. Music moves me in ways that people, places and other "things" can't. Music is simply in my DNA. This week I found music particularly beautiful.

God has been moving and shaking things up in my life a bit. I like change, and it was time for a change in my heart, so this has been a good thing. I have had a CD on constant rotation this week and the more I listened to it, the more I realized heard God speaking to me through the lyrics.

Here is a quick sample of a few I found especially amazing...

"...And the truest sign of grace was this;
From wounded hands redemption fell down, Liberating man
But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel
The depth of our fall and the weight of it all
And so this might could be the most impossible thing
Your grandness in me making me clean..."

"...I am full of earth and dirt and You..."

(from the song Wholly Yours, by David Crowder)

"…letting go gives a better grip.
I’m finding everything I’ll ever need
By giving up, gaining everything…"

(from the song Foreverandever, Etc.)

"... And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.
With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in, remain composed.
Love's taken over me, so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go..."

(from the song You Are My Joy)

I don't think I can truly convey to you how much I am moved by these words. (There is a story to all for all of this and I am working on it, but it's taking much longer than I anticipated to get it all there coherently. So, be patient with me and it will come.)

The CD is David Crowder Band's A Beautiful Collision. He's a kooky guy, but I like kooky. And this CD? Seriously, you must take a listen. I am confident that you too will be moved.

**If you found something beautiful in your everyday life this week- anything counts!- feel free to leave me a comment. Or, better yet, post on your blog and leave us a link. (I am taking down Mr. Linky this week, so just leave your link in the comments. If response is good, I'll bring Mr. Linky back).**

Happy Friday, y'all!!

Random Tidbits Floating Through My Brain

2008-08-06T12:59:00.004-04:00

In list format b/c I am a list-maker at heart...

Though I am sick of the rain, the cloudy skies and booming thunder do create a nice cozy atmosphere for cuddling with my sweet toddler boy.

Cleaning out the oven is a miserable job. Ick.

Cleaning out under the kitchen sink isn't much better than cleaning out the oven.

Jaron is looking like he could use a hair cut, but I just simply cannot stand the thought of cutting it. The shaggy look is in, right?! My own bangs are in need of some attention, but I cannot figure out what to do with them. Cut, or grow? Opinions anyone?

My ab workout is seriously kicking my butt, or more correctly, my abs. OUCH!

Is there no end to the laundry pile?!?

Been doing a word study on Salt in the bible. Very interesting topic, believe it or not. There's a blog post ruminating in the depth's of my heart. I will post it when I can figure out how to make it make sense! :)

My brother keeps telling me to stop planning for our family vacation so soon. He thinks that a month in advance is too soon. What's even funnier, he thinks telling me to stop will actually make me stop. Ha!!

On the topic of the family vacation-- I am getting so very excited for it. My whole family will be renting a beach house down in South Carolina. My folks, both brothers and sisters-in-law, and the hubs, babe and I will all be under 1 roof for a whole week. Crazy, fun, chaos will ensue!! I cannot wait!

Okay, I think that's the jest of the randomness. If you're still reading, then you're very loyal and faithful. I think I would have clicked on by now!! :)

Happy Wednesday! :)

Mr. Independent...

2008-08-03T12:11:00.003-04:00

Jaron is becoming quite independent, as well he should (to some degree) at his age, however this has created one problem we are having a hard time solving. When he falls asleep, he insists on sticking his legs through the slats on his crib. For whatever reason, he likes to sleep sideways and the only to accommodate his length is to stick his legs out the side. He has gotten them stuck several times and we have had to "rescue" him.

We do have a bumper on his crib, but he sticks his legs over it. I have also seen some netting type contraptions out there, but they seem similar in height to a bumper. I figure is he goes over the bumper, he'll go over the net.

(Am I worrying over nothing, y'all? I don't mean to be one of those mom's, but he is getting his legs stuck and it could lead to a broken leg very easily.)

So... give me your advice. Any solutions? I think it's a bit early to think of a big boy bed, (he's about 15 mos.) but maybe that's the only way to fix this??????

2008-08-01T08:25:00.005-04:00

I will be the first to admit that I love food.

Love. It.

It also happens that I love to cook. Cooking good food, that is easy to prepare, has become a passion for me. With baking I am usually hit or miss, but this week I found beauty in a simple cookie recipe. I know... sounds like a silly thing to find beautiful, but take a look for yourself...

Recipe courtesy of Pioneer Woman Cooks

I don't know about you, but those bits of deliciousness are looking awfully nice to me!! :)

Did you find beauty in your everyday life this week? Share!! It can be anything-- a photo, a story, whatever is beautiful to you. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :)

Leave your link below if your posting on your blog. (Make sure to link to the post directly so others can find it easily!) If you don't have a blog, but want to share you story, just leave it in the comments!

Happy Friday, y'all!

Sticky Situation

2008-07-31T15:55:00.003-04:00

*** UPDATE- we are unstuck thanks to Bag Balm. Still have no clue what the sticky stuff was, but at least we are now squeaky clean!***

Help! Jaron was playing outside at my folks house and somehow managed to get himself covered in a sappy like substance. Of course, as I am trying to wrangle him in the house it smeared all over me too! Now I cannot get it off of either of us. It's yellow, extremely sticky and has a very strong odor.

Any clue what is might be?

Any clue how I can get it off?

The only solution I have found so far is rubbing WD-40 all over it and then rinsing... however, I don't think that is the best idea for removing sap from a toddlers hands/arms/legs/body!! Especially when those hands are likely to go straight into the mouth!

Also, I don't think it is sap as we were no-where near a tree and there was a lot of it around.

Any suggestions??

Blink

2008-07-29T20:40:00.003-04:00

Stop whatever you are doing right now and go read this post by Angie at Bring the Rain.

But wait! Before you do... soften your heart before the Lord because He's speaking through the words you are about to read. Make sure you are ready to hear what He has to say. It just changed my life and I have a suspicion it might do the same for you.

For real.

Twins

2008-07-28T15:32:00.004-04:00

In case there was ever any doubt that Jaron looked like his daddy, I think this pretty much takes care of it.

Big J & little j

2008-07-25T00:01:00.004-04:00

There were lots of things in my week that I found beautiful. Little moments that provoked a sigh deep in my soul; breaths that were sweeter due to laughter. This photo, however, takes the cake. Horrible quality, yes, but that face... oh the face, the smile, the laughter that melts my heart. Every time I look into that sweet, chubby face I see melt.

This photo sums him up. He is a lover of life and he is teaching me to love mine all the more. I found beauty in him this week, as always. (I promise that I will not use a story about him every week, but I had to this week y'all. I just had to.) I cannot get that face out of my minds eye. I love him with every ounce of me.

True beauty... the pure joy of a babe, ringing a bell, at Nana's house. :)

(And don't worry, Nana was holding on from behind.)

Did you find beauty in your everyday life this week? Share!! It can be anything-- a photo, a story, whatever is beautiful to you. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :)

Leave your link below if your posting on your blog. (Make sure to link to the post directly so others can find it easily!) If you don't have a blog, but want to share you story, just leave it in the comments!

Happy Friday, y'all!

Vacation

2008-07-24T08:53:00.000-04:00

This is where we are headed for our family vacation...

in September. Ugh. I am so ready NOW!

Getting Out Of A Funk

2008-07-23T08:46:00.000-04:00

Last week was tough. Jaron was not napping well and I was really struggling with some emotions gone haywire. (I think my hormones, post pregnancy, are still settling in a year later.) I found myself tearful and depressed for no apparent reason. There was not really anxiety or fear, just an unexplained sadness.

Does anyone else ever have times like this, 'cos I often feel like I am the only one around who struggles with this?!

Anyway, my mom was a huge source of encouragement, as was my friend Sarah. I told them both that I can usually be uplifted through worship music or scripture, but was having a hard time finding such inspiration last week.

Then I heard this song... for the umpteenth billion time... but hearing it last Friday was like hearing it for the first time. It pulled me out of my funk... these lyrics especially spoke to me...

Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
Let us dance, let us sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud and sing....

Wherever you are
Wherever you've been
He's been there

Open Skies, by David Crowder Band

After hearing that song it was as though the wall crumbled and I was able to find freedom and release. I am sure that hard days will come again, but for now the fog has lifted.

Do you have days (or weeks) like this? What gets you out of your funk? Is there a go-to scripture or song that pulls you through the mucky stuff?

Exercise Shmexercise

2008-07-22T09:00:00.001-04:00

I have been trying to be more disciplined in my workouts.

(Ugh! Just typing that sentence makes me cringe.)

I hate working out. Really. Hate. It. So, I am trying to get the most bang for my buck. I figured I can get the biggest impact for the least amount of time if I run. I ventured out this winter and started running. I also threw in some ab workouts for good measure, however I was never very consistent. Since the warmer months are here it is even harder to get moving so I have been trying different things to get me moving. Here are a few things I am doing-- and hopefully they will be the winning combination!

Follow a loosely laid out program. (I like a little structure, but not too much.) I found this one while perusing magazines at my folks house. I have substituted their cardio slots for my running program (see below). I am mostly using this for the ab work and am anxious to see if I can see a difference in the 14 days as they promise.

For the running part, I am starting to follow the Couch to 5k routine from CoolRunning.com. To make it easier while running I found these great podcasts that have the timing mapped out to music. I am starting on with week 3 since I have been running a bit already.

I downloaded some snappy tunes to keep me motivated!! Working out is so much more fun when I have upbeat, peppy tunes to move to. Here is my current playlist.... or you can find it on iTunes in the form of my very own iMix! :)

(You can click the image to make it bigger.)

And lastly, I am trying not to make too big a deal of it. Of course, posting about it on my blog is not really keeping it quiet... but whatever! :) One thing that has helped is simply taking the pressure off a bit. If I don't feel like running then I at least go for a walk.

So... that's what I'm doing to get moving. Any tips out there? What are you doing that is working for you?

(Jen C., where are you when I need a good running buddy?!)

Finding Beauty Friday

2008-07-21T11:02:00.005-04:00

I am starting a new thing this Friday-- called Finding Beauty Friday. I will be posting every Friday about something I found beauty in that week.

Wanna join in? On Friday morning I will post a Mr. Linky here if anyone else wants to share something that they found beautiful in their week. It can be anything-- a photos, a story, whatever. And remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! :)

So come back around on Friday and join in!

On The Menu, Week 2

2008-07-21T08:44:00.003-04:00

Since I forgot to post my menu for last week, I am going to go ahead and call this week 2. I was very excited to write out this menu as I just received the August copy of Real Simple Magazine. I always scour the magazine right away for great recipes and then go back and take my time reading through the other features. I love that use simple ingredients to make great meals.

Anyway... 3 of my meal this week are from Real Simple. I tried to find them online to link to, but I guess they are not up yet. If anyone wants the recipes, just shoot me an email and I'll get them to you.

Once again I am trying to cut back on meat consumption. For the past 2 weeks this has gone wonderfully. My hubby even said that he doesn't miss it like he thought he would. I have found that I don't crave it or really desire it, even when it is on the menu! The trick now it getting more and more creative with the veggies! :)

In no particular order... my weekly menu...

Chicken Cutlets with Tomato Sauté (from RS)
Pot-stickers with Sugar Snap Peas and Peanuts (from RS)
Pasta with Peppers and Mozzarella (from RS)
Rice and Bean Tacos
Pineapple BBQ Chicken with Peppers and Rice
Breakfast for Supper (probably blueberry pancakes)

I will be posting the recipe for the Pineapple BBQ Chicken later this week. Yum!

Oh, would you leave me a comment if you are posting your menu for this week? I am always in need of new ideas.

Happy cooking!

PS I forgot to mention that last week I tried a new recipe, and I swear y'all, I am in love. I think these Veggie Enchiladas are my new favorite dish. Pretty easy to make and so full of flavor!!

There Is A Very Good Reason I Have Been MIA...

2008-07-18T09:00:00.004-04:00

Jaron is on a nap strike. He is refusing to sleep when I put him in his crib. The only way I can get the child to sleep is to run him ragged all day long and then he will collapse into bed in the late afternoon. By that time I am so exhausted that I too collapse into bed for a nap.

It is no surprise to me that I have an active child... I have made note of this before... but honestly... I cannot keep up with this kid. I am running out of free things to do. One can only spend so much time at the park with a toddler. All he wants to do is eat grass and stick rocks up his nose!!

We've also tried the "beach" (sandy area on the lake... not a quiet a real beach for this beach lover). This serves to entertain for a while, but sometime after his 53rd handful of sand going straight into the mouth, I usually call it quits.

Fun times y'all, fun times.

When all else fails... this works like a charm... it's just too bad gas is so dang expensive!

[Recipe] Blueberry Coffee Cake (or Look Sarah! I Baked! And It Turned Out Edible!)

2008-07-10T22:18:00.005-04:00

I don't bake. I cook- and I love to cook, but I don't bake. My friend Sarah loves to bake and in the past (the way, far away past) we whipped up a few cakes together. Now that I'm baking solo I stick with a box mix. (Gasp! I KNOW- outrageous!) That is, until yesterday.

You see, my grocer put blueberries on sale, 2 for 1, and I adore me some blueberries. It is also picking season here in the Northeast and scrumptiously fat toddler cheeks being stuffed with hand picked berries is a photo op waiting to happen, y'all. So, I had to find something to do with all these berries.

Enter amazingly easy, and equally delicious, coffee cake recipe. Yum.

GATHER:
for topping...
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup sifted all-purpose flour
1/4 cup butter, room temperature
1 teaspoon cinnamon

for cake...
1 1/2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 egg, beaten
3/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup melted butter
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup blueberries fresh or frozen

BAKE:
Topping - In small mixing bowl, combine topping ingredients. Blend with fork until crumbly. Set aside.

Sift 1 1/2 cups sifted flour with baking powder and salt into a bowl. In a medium bowl, beat together beaten egg and 3/4 cup sugar and 1/3 cup melted butter.Add milk and vanilla. Stir in flour mixture and mix well.

Pour 1/2 the batter into a greased and floured 8-inch square or 9-inch layer-cake pan. Sprinkle with blueberries and top with remaining batter.

Sprinkle topping crumb mixture evenly over batter. Bake at 375° for 25 to 30 minutes, or until cake tests done. Partially cool in pan on wire rack. Cut coffee cake into squares while still warm.

Let me just say it again... Yum! The only thing that would make this better is some chocolate. Oh, and maybe some walnuts. Then it would be double yum!! Cause chocolate and nuts make good things even better!

On The Menu, Week 1

2008-07-07T10:25:00.006-04:00

This is week #1 trying to cut back on the meat consumption. I have planned out 6 meals, only 2 of which have meat. Sure made grocery shopping easier! :)

Here's my weekly menu... without assigned days... 'cos I like a bit of flexibility.

- bruschetta pasta w/ garden salad
- hamburgers w/ home fries and salad
- veggie ragu (sans pasta) w/ garlic bread
- pineapple bbq chicken w/ rice & brussel sprout
- egg muffin sandwiches w/ hash browns & fruit salad
- rice & bean bowls w/ avocado & cilantro

(I should also note that we usually have some sort of fruit with every meal, be it berries, melons or just applesauce.)

So... I'll let you know how it goes!

Anyone else making any changes in their grocery shopping in light of the rising costs?

Staying On Task

2008-07-02T14:04:00.004-04:00

I have made a few confessions on here before and today I would like to add one more to the growing list. I am a scatter brain. Yep. Big time. And, to tell you the truth, this does not mesh well with the side of me that likes things clean and organized and efficient.

Since Jaron has been around I have tried many ways of structuring my day- even tried having no structure at all. (Needless to say that didn't go over so well. I would love to be one of those moms that just has it all together effortlessly. You know, the ones who can cook spaghetti sauce in a white shirt with nary a drop of tomato juice to show for it. Are those types of moms for real, or just a rumor?!?!)

The problem is I get off task so easily. (See above tangent as an example.) Nothing gets done while I am trying to get everything done at once. Specifically, I struggle in the area of maintaining a clean house.

I have come to grips with the fact that I need a routine to follow. I have tried several cleaning/daily schedules and none have worked for my day. I cannot stand to follow something line by line. I am bit of a rebel like that. I need some room to be flexible and spontaneous.

Finally, this week, I have found the one that works! Here it is in all it's glory....

First of all, this is just for house hold chores. Since this is where my biggest problem areas are, this is what I focused on planning out. Notice, no time slots. I can't do time slots. (Did I say that already?)

The "Quick Fix" tasks are those which get done daily and in about 30 minutes or less- manageable since I have a small house. All other chores are slotted out by day. This frees me up to only stick to what is on the list for that day. No more running ragged with half completed tasks.

I have been following this for about a week and so far so good. No more unruly piles of laundry. No more out of control clutter. Just a clean house that is much easier to dwell in! A clean house is like a breath of fresh air to me.

How bout you? Do you follow a schedule, or do you have spaghetti droplets all over your white shirt?

My Night Off

2008-07-01T17:33:00.003-04:00

I'm all about living in the moment, but sometimes you just need an ~~escape~~ break. Tonight I get a little one. The hubs and I each have a "free" night every other week. Usually I would go to the library or Strabucks or other such ~~boring~~ relaxing locale. Tonight, I am dreaming of going here...

Cane Garden Bay, Tortola, BVI

Think I could pull of a quick trip to Tortola? I guess I probably wouldn't be back by bed time. And I guess the hubs probably wouldn't appreciate me visiting our honeymoon spot without him. Oh well. A girl can dream, right?

Where would you go, right this very second, if you could have a little break?

Today Has Been A Good Day

2008-06-26T16:50:00.006-04:00

I love days like this. Days like today when the house is clean, the bed has fresh sheets, the fridge is full and dinner is on the stove and will be ready when the hubs gets home.

I have even had some fabulous quality time with my little boyfriend. And tonight will be time with my big boyfriend. ;)

Now I ask you, what could be better?

Happy Last Year Of Your 20's, Babe!

2008-06-25T07:36:00.003-04:00

Look how hot he is! I am one lucky woman! :)

What's For Dinner?

2008-06-23T16:11:00.007-04:00

Okay... question for all you out in blog land... how much meat do you consume on a weekly basis? Do you eat some form of meat for every meal, or just a few times a week?

And... if you don't eat a lot of meat, what do your meals look like? Anyone got a few vegetarian recipes to send me?

I have been thinking a lot lately about what we eat and why. I am also trying to cut some costs on groceries and this meat issue just keeps creeping up. I was raised in Texas so meat has always been a huge part of my "cooking heritage", so to speak. I would love to change that, but honestly, I am not sure how to start.

What are your thoughts on this? Anyone have some good advice?

And, does anyone else find it slightly ironic that this post follows one with a recipe for meatloaf?

[Recipe] BBQ Meat Loaf

2008-06-18T08:44:00.004-04:00

I grew up eating meat loaf. It was one of my mom's 10 go-to recipes. In order to get my brothers and I to eat it she added a cup of salsa to the mix. Anything with salsa is yummy in my book. I had planned to cook mom's version several times, but my hubby's grimace every time I mentioned it kept me from trying. He was not a meatloaf fan, at all.

That is, until I came up with this little recipe. This meat loaf is now his favorite meal of all time. And best of all, it's super easy to make.

GATHER:
for the loaf...
1 lb lean ground beef
1 large egg
1/4 cup bread crumbs
1/2 grated cheese
salt/pepper, to taste

for the sauce...
2 tbsp favorite BBQ sauce
2 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp yellow mustard
1/2 tbsp honey

COOK:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking dish with foil and grease lightly.

In a medium sized bowl, combine ground beef, egg, bread crumbs and 1/4 cup of cheese. Season with a pinch of salt and pepper. Form beef into loaf in the baking dish.

In a separate bowl, mix together all ingredients for the sauce. Spread over the meat loaf, coating all sides. Top with remaining 1/4 cup of cheese.

Bake for 30-45 minutes.

SERVE:
I usually serve this with a fresh, green salad and couscous.

Enjoy!

Changes

2008-06-12T10:15:00.000-04:00

I like change. I am one to rearrange furniture and splash new paints on the walls every so often "just because". (My husband loves me all the more for it, right honey?)

Lately, around our house there have been changes brewing, and while a change in decor will come into play soon these changes are more than that. These are the kind that affect several areas of life and home and often have a domino effect into other areas too. I like these new things, these new adventures, but oh-boy, do we have our work cut out for us!

The most exciting part, for me is that I am now going to have the privilege of being a full time stay at home mom! For the past 10 months I have been working part time, splitting the hours between the office and home. While this has been a great arrangement, my heart is always at home. The Lord used a series of events to make this possible and I am so thankful! And come fall time I will be watching a friend little one while she teaches. I know this will be hard work, but I am so excited about!

We are also in the process of putting our home on the market. And it's a tough market, to say the least. We have outgrown our sweet little condo and are bursting at the seams! I am ready to have some room to spread out and I am craving an outdoor space. But this is a challenge in almost every way. Sales prices are down (good for buying, ick for selling) and keeping this place clean to show is next to impossible!!!

I don't know what else the summer may hold, but I am loving this time of transition!

Anyone else out there like change as much as I do? What changes have you all got cookin' for this summer?

On Obedience

2008-06-11T14:58:00.000-04:00

I think that the secret to living a fulfilled life, one that overflows with good things, is obedience. I must take up my cross and deny my life so that Christ might live in/through me. This requires obedience. My life cannot progress beyond the shallow and insignificant, into the depths of grace and wisdom, without obedience. And the good I have from Him won’t mean as much without the times of struggle.

My God is sovereign. In His hands sits the world, His world, His creation. And He’s not like a small child who builds just to destroy. I am His workmanship. His art.

Good things for me are the desires of His heart, but obedience is required. And my obedience is a direct reflection of my love for Him.

Me and My Boy

2008-06-07T09:28:00.004-04:00

Today

2008-05-22T20:24:00.006-04:00

Today has been one of those days. My heart is heavy. My eyes tired, my soul weary. I do not want to relive today. I would like for it to end quietly and fade into a distant memory. No tragedy has befallen me. No loss so great to bare.

But, it has been a hard day. A day that that has brought me to this night where sorrow overwhelms me. A day that has left me speechless in its own way. I sit here trying to formulate something coherent to share, to emote, to be honest in my words. I have come up with nothing new and nothing meaningful.

Rest assured, I am okay. I am more than okay, actually. I am simply being refined, purified.

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11 (read more here)

I am so thankful that I have a Father in Heaven who hears, and cares about, the quiet things I whisper in the dark of night. And He's mercies are new every morning.

Impossible

2008-05-19T16:17:00.004-04:00

Can somebody please tell me how I am supposed to clean my house with a toddler hanging around?!? Because I think it is pretty much impossible.

"Oh, did you want me to put away my toys, mom? I thought you said play with my toys. My bad!"

"If I smile real big, can I get away with it?"

Captivating, Chapter 3

2008-05-19T08:40:00.000-04:00

I am currently reading and reviewing the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. Each Monday morning I am posting my thoughts on a chapter. This week is chapter three...

Haunted by a Question

This chapter proposes that we are not what we are supposed to be (created to be) and are keenly aware of our own shortcomings (pg 46). The Eldredge’s use the fall of Adam and Eve, and the subsequent curse, as the jumping off point. They suggest that we have been convinced that God is holding out on us, as Eve was so convinced by the serpent in Eden.

Chapter 3 talks of 2 categories of women:

1. The Dominating Woman

“She needs no one. She is in charge- ‘on top of things constantly.’ She is a woman who know hot to get what she wants.” (pg 51)

“If she cannot secure her relationships, then she kills her heart’s longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control.” (pg 52)

“Controlling women are those of us who don’t trust anyone else to drive our cars. Or help in the kitchen. Or speak at our retreats or our meetings. Or carry something for us.” (pg 53)

2. The Desolate Woman

“She is naive, lost, bereft of any sense of self.” (pg 53)

“Desolate woman are ruled by the aching abyss within them… They are consumed by a hunger for relationship.” (pg 54)

Regardless of which category we might fall into, our “question” remains unanswered, and we allow ourselves indulgences to try to fill the void. Be it food, daydreaming, gossip, unhealthy relationships, whatever- we turn to other sources instead of God. Trying to fill “the ache of our hearts”. All the while trying to find the answer to our questions, “Am I lovely? Do you see me? Do you want so see me? Are you captivated by what you find in me?” (pg 59)

My Thoughts on this Chapter:
So, yeah… WOW. I know, without a doubt, what category I fall into. What about you? Is it obvious to you where you fall?

I think a lot of things really jumped out at me, but there was one thing in this chapter that really changed my perspective on how to love my husband. With women needing to know if they are lovely, men ask a different question, “Do I have what it takes?” If I can purpose to answer that question for my husband on a daily basis I am showing him love. By choosing to let go [of control] in many situations I can show my husband that indeed has what it takes.

And here’s the big thing, as I show him that I believe he is worthy, he begins to believe it himself. And as he begins to believe in his worth, he shows me I am lovely. See how that works? It’s cyclical. Yes, ultimately our self worth should be found in Christ alone however, the relationship between husband and wife is a picture of Christ love for us. (Just read the book of Song of Solomon.)

I know that is really less about me and more about my husband… but it is what stood out to me. I have been thinking of nothing else but this lately. It really was a huge revelation for me.

The workbook, as always, was a challenge. I again close with some questions taken from there…

With what do you tend to indulge your heart?

Are you aware of loneliness deep within your heart?

Are you aware of the ways in which you hide, trying not to be “seen”?

Are you aware of your own beauty?

Do you like being vulnerable? Are you comfortable trusting your well-being to someone else?

Previous Posts on Captivating
Introduction
Chapter 1- The Heart of a Woman
Chapter 2- What Eve Alone Can Tell

Okay, I'll Admit It, I'm A Slacker

2008-05-14T15:03:00.003-04:00

But the truth is that the weather has just been AMAZING and sitting inside playing on the computer just isn't on the top of my priority list.

Also, I totally forgot about posting this weeks chapter review for Captivating. So, chapter 3 will get posted next week. Jaron's birthday took over my life last week and I had a blast planning it, but sort of got wrapped up in it and didn't get chapter 3 written up.

So, yeah... there's my list of excuses. Anyone care for a violin solo?!? =)

Speaking of Jaron's party, here are few pictures. He loved every minute of it and was so well behaved. He is such a social boy and he loves being the center of attention.

One Year Ago, Right This Very Minute...

2008-05-09T19:06:00.006-04:00

I was screaming for an epidural. Little JT was sunny side up and resting all of his 11.2 lbs on my sciatic nerve. (No, 11.2 lbs was not a typo. That was the actual birth weight of my son. Yes, you can say "Ouch!" I sure did.) Forget contractions, the back labor masked any pain that my abdomen might be experiencing. After a measly 36 hours in labor I was looking for relief. And so was my dear husband.

Little did we know we still had another 14.5 hours, and an emergency c-section, to go before we saw this precious sight:

And, yes, the little stinker was worth every minute.

Captivating, Chapter 2

2008-05-05T08:00:00.008-04:00

I am currently reading and reviewing the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. Each Monday morning I am posting my thoughts on a chapter. This week is chapter two...

What Eve Alone Can Tell

Our society (especially in Christian circles) often gets caught up in questions regarding a woman's "role". The Eldredge's present that perhaps it would be more helpful to ask, "What is a woman- what is her design?" and "Why did God place woman in our midst?"

Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

This chapter uses that verse to draw some parallels on the Character of God and the creation of woman. They use the main themes talked about in Chapter 1 as a guide...

1.God is relational to the core/God has a heart for romance:

"The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships. In fact, this may be the most important thing we ever learn about God- that he yearns for relationship with us. 'Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God.' (John 17:3). The whole story of the Bible is a love story between God and his people. He yearns for us. He cares. He has a tender heart."
(pg.28)

2. God longs to share adventures with us:

"Call it the Human Mission- to be all and do all God sent us here to do. And notice- the mission to be fruitful and conquer and hold sway is given both to Adam and to Eve... All that human beings were intended to do here on earth- all the creativity and exploration, all the battle and rescue and nurture- we were intended to do together."
(pg.31)

In verse 18, chapter 2 of Genesis God calls Eve a "help meet". The Hebrew for that phrase is ezer kenegdo, which has proved difficult to translate, says Hebrew scholar Robert Alter. His translation for the phrase is "sustainer beside him", causing the verse to look like this:

"It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him a [sustainer beside him]."

The word ezer is used "only 20 other places in the Old Testament. Every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to "come through for you desperately" (pg 31). Most contexts used are life and death situations when God is your only hope, or help. (See Deut. 33:26-29, Psalms 121:1-2, and Psalms 20:1-2 for examples).

The word kenegdo means alongside, or a counterpart.

3. God has a beauty that is captivating and powerfully redemptive:
Why does beauty matter? Because it is powerful. Beauty draws us to God.

Beauty Speaks

Beauty Invites

Beauty Nourishes

Beauty Comforts

Beauty Inspires

Beauty is Transcendent

My Thoughts on this Chapter:
Sometimes I find it hard to think of myself as beautiful (you would agree if you saw me first thing in the morning!) This chapter really challenged me to see myself in a new way. To see my value as a woman; something beyond looks (or lack of), and something beyond my good works (or not so good works). I feel like this chapter left me with a lot to ponder. While I believe the truth of what it says, it's hard to make my heart agree.

Once again the Guided Journal proved thought provoking and very helpful while processing what I had just read. I close with a few of those questions...

Have you ever thought of your struggles and longings as pointing to something great you are designed to do?

How do you define yourself? If you were to introduce yourself, what would you say?

Have you ever been comforted by beauty?

When has an experience of beauty pierced you with longing?

What if this really is true about you- you are a captivating woman? Let your heart go there for a moment; what does it bring?

Previous Posts on Captivating
Introduction
Chapter 1- The Heart of a Woman

The Lady At The Grocery Store Told Me I Had My Hands Full

2008-05-04T14:55:00.003-04:00

... and she should know, she raised 4 boys. That makes her pretty much an expert.

She also told me that my son was a flirt and,"Once a flirt, always a flirt!" she said in a silly, sing-song voice. (Much too happily I might add.)

She told me I was in trouble, but the good kind of trouble. She said my heart would be forever in love with my precious boy.

Then she said, "Enjoy this time when you are the best, greatest, most beautiful. 'Cause the day will come when you are not so smart, second best, and just sort of cute."

I plan to follow her advice, something tells me she knows what she is talking about.

Help, I'm Going Bananas!

2008-04-29T19:48:00.004-04:00

In just about 2 weeks my little guy will be one year old. (Where has this year gone?) We are throwing him a little monkey themed birthday party and I need help with food ideas. I am making the cutest monkey faced cupcakes. We will also serve banana splits and give mini banana bread loafs as party favors (for the adult party goers).

But... I have no clue what to do for food, food. Adult food. The hubs is wanting to just do ~~boring~~ simple old hamburgers and hot dogs. I however want to do something a little more festive for the guests.

This is where you come in.... ANYONE GOT ANY GOOD IDEAS?! Cause I am clueless.

Please leave me a comment, or shoot me an email (see sidebar link), if you have any simple ingredient recipe/ideas that would work for a monkey bash.

Oh, and here are the invites I made... aren't they cute!?

Captivating, Chapter 1

2008-04-28T08:00:00.006-04:00

I am currently reading and reviewing the book Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. Each Monday morning I am posting my thoughts on a chapter. This week is chapter one...

The Heart of a Woman

This chapter was a little difficult for me to get through. To be honest, I was not really looking forward to working through any issues this book might bring up. I found myself starting and stopping a lot until I came to this paragraph...

"I am not enough and too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough… But too emotional, too needy, too opinionated… The result is Shame, the universal companion of woman. It haunts us…” (pg. 7)

How true that is for me! Do you know what a huge sigh of relief I gave in finding that someone else had put into words the crazy feelings I have been having? This passage alone hooked me on this book. I realized that I needed to take a hard look at what my idea of being a woman was. I needed to tweak my thoughts about true beauty.

This chapter also serves as an introduction for the main theme of the book; the 3 things most women long for in their heart of hearts. Here they are, with a quote from each section that captured my attention;

To be romanced:
The book quotes a line from the movie The Last of the Mohican's, “I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far- I will find you.”

My heart resonated with this so deeply. It was as if my “mail” was being read.

To play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure.
“There is something fierce in the heart of a woman. Simply insult her children, her man, or her best friend and you’ll get a taste of it. A woman is a warrior too. But she is meant to be a warrior in a uniquely feminine way.” (pg. 11)

I loved this. I am not a “sit back and watch” kind of girl. The idea of being dainty and soft is foreign to me. I love that the warrior side of woman is acknowledged in such a balanced way. Warrior, yet feminine. Perfect!

To unveil beauty.
On page 16 this sums it all up, “In spite of all the pain and distress that beauty has caused us as women, the desire remains… A desire to be captivating in the depths of who you are.”

That’s what I long for. This hit home.

After reading the chapter (I made it through unscathed) I turned to the “Guided Journal” where I realized I wasn’t going to get away so easily. The authors asked some really tough questions. The kind of questions that made my mind wander down dark paths full of cobwebs and spooky shadows. Guess it’s time to turn on the lights and clean house.

In closing, I will leave you with a few of those questions to ponder yourself… and feel free to share any insight or questions they might bring up.

What expectations have been laid upon you, as a woman? What do you feel the pressure to be?
What have you been taught that a mature, godly woman should look like?
Do you feel like you know what it means to be a true woman? Do you feel like you are?
Who in your life is beautiful to you? Why?

Previous Posts on Captivating
Introduction

Rain Drops On Roses

2008-04-25T14:24:00.006-04:00

I forgot how much I love sleeping during the rain. The fam and I are in Ohio, visiting my bro and his beautiful wife, and Ohio has real rain. Real rain, with thunder and lightening. I love it! I woke up at 2 am to the sound of torrential downpour on the roof and windows. Then the air was all charged with electricity as God showed His power in an awesome display of noise and light.

And I slept like a baby.

Speaking of babies... my baby slept through it all. I thought for sure that the crack of the thunder and the zap of lightening would put a quick halt to his snoring. But alas, he is his momma's boy for something and awake he did not.

Today we lunched Panera Bread. Yum. (How's that for a change in subject?) Jaron spilled "Guncle" Andy's beverage all over everything, but it was bound to happen at sometime. "Guncle" Andy and Nephew Jaron are quite a pair. And oh how Jaron loves his Aunt Leigh. (I think it has something to do with all her cute, funky necklace's he can chew on and her long hair he can twirl around his pudgy little hands. He's a hair guy.)

This visit would only be better if Uncle Gabe and Aunt Minnie were here. (Guilt trip!)

And if we didn't have to drive the 13+ hours home in the forecasted rain and SNOW showers!! What? Snow? Ick. Ick. Ick.

Ugh. I need the beach.

A Moose On The Loose

2008-04-22T22:17:00.005-04:00

Update: I guess our moose had quite and adventure yesterday! Here is a picture of our friend, courtesy of MSNBC.com, who tells more Mr. Moose's story if you are interested.

We had a bit of excitement after dinner tonight. Jaron and I were looking out the windows, watching some neighborhood kids ride their bikes. All of the sudden something caught my attention over to the side... it was a moose! At first I thought it was a horse and then the image registered in my tired, little brain and I realized that it was indeed a moose.

What is crazy about this is that we live in a very suburban area. There is not much forest around for a moose to roam. This guy (oh yes, it was a male) was cruising around between apartment and condo buildings, heading for the grocery store! He attracted quite a crowd.

When I screamed and told Jonathan what I had seen, he didn't believe me at first. Well, he got so excited that he threw on his shoes and ran out the door. Jaron and I weren't far behind. As we ran outside tons of people from neighboring buildings were pouring out into the street. We all walked as a huge crowd trying to see this moose. (How silly can we be?) Mr. Moose eventually wander off down our little bike path. We have been keeping an eye out for him all night, but haven't seen him again.

Can you tell we are short on entertainment in Vermont? Who knew a moose could stir up so much excitement!?

I only wish I would have thought to grab my camera!!!!

Breathtaking...

2008-04-22T08:00:00.000-04:00

Sunset over Lake Champlain

Let the name of the LORD be praised,
both now and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
the name of the LORD is to be praised.

Psalm 113: 2-3

Captivating

2008-04-21T09:29:00.004-04:00

A year or so ago I read through the book, Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. For some reason or other I never finished the book, or the chapter reviews I was writing for another blog I had. Recently, I picked up the book again and I am just about to complete it.

I feel that this book, and more specifically it's guided journal, have transformed my thought life regarding beauty and self worth.

The past few months have been tough for me in all areas regarding my looks, weight, beauty, personality... you get the picture. I am not one to obsess about myself. I am not one to be particularly concerned about what others think of me. And yet lately these things have consumed me as I have allowed my self worth to be determined by what others say and think of me. I realized I was being foolish and that is when I pulled this book from the shelf once again.

As with any "self help" book on the market, I did not agree 100% with all that was said. And there were several things that took some time, and work, and outside dialogue in order for me to settle the issues within myself. However, I have found that the Lord really used the words and ideas in this book to encourage and uplift me.

If you are interested in reading Captivating I highly recommend picking up the Guided Journal also. For me, it is what made the biggest impact. Not because someone, or something, was telling me how to think; but because as I wrote out my thoughts it became so apparent how twisted they were. I do feel I must warn you, the questions asked are not easy. I have found myself skipping over some for fear of what they will drudge up!

Look for my summary/review of Chapter 1, The Heart of a Woman, next Monday morning.

Naptime and Commodes and Dancing, Oh My!

2008-04-17T14:59:00.008-04:00

To my extreme disappointment, I believe that Jaron is weaning himself out of his morning nap. I am obviously not happy about this.

He wakes up every morning between 6- 6:30, so he used to be ready for a nap around 8:30 and would sleep until 10. Like clockwork. This was the time I used to get ready for my day... shower, get dressed, read my bible, check email, etc. I treasured this time. I love being at home with my boy, but this was my time to do what I wanted... time just for me. (I use his afternoon nap to prep for dinner, pick up the house, and get work done since I work pt from home.)

Now I am in a pickle. I am not sure what to do. I know that somehow I will adapt, but for any mom out there who has tried to get ready with a baby/toddler underfoot-- you know it's hard work.

This morning, while I was getting cleaned up, he dug around in the bathroom drawers and found his daddy's electric razor. He started toddling around with the razor to his ear as if he were talking on the phone. It was so cute, except for the little hair clippings that were all over my floors!!

And he has discovered the commode. He loves to pick up the lid and let it crash down, or he'll hold the lid up with one hand and try to splash the other around in the water. It is so gross!! Obviously, this is not allowed and I repeatedly tell him "No" and remove him from the area (after washing his hands, of course), but that little booger is fast! He gets back there before I can get to him. He will look my way and say "No, no, no, no" and shake his head at me as I come after him.

His new thing this week is dancing. And I must say, this is one of my most favorite things of all. He is so cute shaking his little butt. He just sort of bounces up and down any time he hears music. The kid is a dancing fool, just like his daddy. He definitely didn't get the dancing from my Nazarene genes! :)

Little stinker, how I love him!

Time With Papa

2008-04-15T19:52:00.003-04:00

Grandpa is introducing Jaron to George and Martha.

Hmm, this isn't going so well.

Guess Jaron is too young to fully appreciate the antics of George and Martha.

Now, that's better!!

Free Music... And It's Good Free Music, Too!

2008-04-08T12:40:00.005-04:00

Woo Hoo, free stuff. Love it!! If you are a blogger, live in the US and have 50+ unique visitors a month you can sign up to win a free CD from Christian singer/songwriter Matt Maher.

If you don't have a blog, you should still check out his stuff. It's really good.

Really.

Good.

But don't just take my word for it.... go see (or listen rather) for yourself!

Humble Pie Wasn't On My Grocery List

2008-04-03T10:27:00.001-04:00

I thrive on simple routine. I like to have a bit of schedule to my day/week/month/life, but just as guidance, not as mandatory. I do not "do" mandatory.... I tend to rebel a bit when words like "must", "immediately" and "required" are thrown around. My week is good combo of structured and go-with-the-flow. Just the way I like it.

Sorry, tangent...anyway...

Monday's are my favorite days. Monday's are grocery shopping days.

The organizing junkie in me loves grocery shopping because it means lists and menus, which are all done on nifty little spreadsheets. The spontaneous side of me loves shopping for the best deals and never knowing what I might get.

For a while I was doing really well shopping at only one grocery store. I was staying way under our weekly budget (generally $70/week). I was menu planning like a mad woman and finding much success in it. I got a little proud of my so-called ability and decided I could do much better by shopping around. So a few Mondays ago I struck out, Jaron and coupons in tow, to try my hand at grocery store hopping.

Oh goodness, y'all.... It did not turn out so great. First try I was $20 over budget. Okay, no problem, probably just a fluke, I thought. I will rally the troops and try again. This time with more coupons and a more throughly planned list.

So last week I tried again. I thought I was doing so well and was really feeling proud of myself. I remember walking through the store thinking I was just hot snot b/c of my amazing saving skills. People, I was $40 over budget!! No joke. My husband about croaked.

I guess it serves me right for being so cocky about it. I read this article at MSNBC.com yesterday, and so I do feel a bit better about my part in the grocery debacle. I guess costs are rising everywhere.

I am however eating my humble pie and asking for help... from you.

How do you all do it? What are you grocery secrets?
Do you shop hop?
Do you use coupons?
If you use coupons, do you get them from the paper, online, etc?
Do you shop at Sam's Club/Costco? Are they worth it?

And lastly, I do hope this is not too personal, but I am curious... What do you spend weekly on your groceries?

I am trying to refine my ways and cut the cost even more. It is hard to do with prices for everything from gas to milk going through the roof. But somehow, I will win this shopping battle. And hopefully you'll take a minute to leave a comment and help a sister out!

Thanks Much!!!

Where, Oh Where, Has My Baby Gone?

2008-04-01T19:38:00.000-04:00

Um.... can somebody please stop time because my baby is now walking and I am not ready for him to grow up so fast!!!!!!!!!!!

Warning: I Am Posting Another Picture Of Jaron

2008-03-27T12:19:00.006-04:00

Because I can't get enough of his cute face.
Because this picture pretty much sums up my happy, ornery, fun little guy.
Because I am his momma and this is my blog.

So there. :)

And Then My Heart Melted All Over The Toys

2008-03-25T19:37:00.004-04:00

Jaron is a very busy little boy. Very. Busy. When he is playing he likes to go from one thing, to another, and then back again several times. Though he is not walking yet, (any day now he will be) he is all over the place. He loves to chase the dog and squeal real loud to get her attention. And he loves, LOVES, it when Maddie chases him right back.

In typical male fashion, Jaron is not much of a cuddlier. He has his moments, but those are rare. And when such rare times do occur I usually end up getting head butted or kicked in the gut as he tries to wiggle free after his 1.2 second love fest.

Cuddle time with daddy is about the same. Tonight, however, I managed to catch a few photos of a sweet little exchange between father and son.

Ah, Dad... can't you see I'm busy?

See? I'm trying to make this thing balance.

Well, okay, maybe just a few kisses.

Dream Big

2008-03-24T09:19:00.000-04:00

“The main character in this drama… will ignite the kingdom life within you, a fire within you, the Holy Spirit within you, changing you from the inside out.” Matthew 3:11 (The Message)

This verse has been pulling at my heart for days now. “Ignite the kingdom life”… Now what is that exactly? What does that look like, feel like? How will it change my life? It’s one of those scary yet exciting prospects that life with God often poses. I know it will change my life and deep down I want to change; it’s just the process of getting there that’s not so much fun.

God calls us to dream big. Not just super size dreams, kingdom size dreams. Dreams that sometimes… most of the time... take us outside of our comfort zone. I tend to see the small picture and all the impossibilities. I ask questions like; “How?” and “When?” and “Where?” and doubt the abilities of the very Creator who gave me the brain to process these things.

I think “How?” and “When?” and “Where?” are the right questions, I think often they are simply asked in the wrong tone.

“Yes Lord, I hear You. I don’t understand the big picture, but I will go, I will do it… how, when and where do You need me?”

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 5:8-9

Why do I doubt the possibilities? Simply because I doubt what I do not know. And that’s my fault all around, because I could know. I SHOULD know. It’s just a matter of pressing in and getting to know the Father. Listening. Being still before Him.

So Lord, I’m asking for the scary yet exciting things to happen in my life. There’s an open invitation, which I may want to take back at some point, but I won’t. I am Your child, let Your will be done in my life. Let the Holy Spirit come and ignite a fire with me. A passion that burns so bright that people will see me coming from miles out. Make me a torch for You. Not a candle burning dimly, but a blazing, fiery, torch that cannot be put out. I will dare to dream big. I will trust You and I will take a flying leap into Your great adventure. Lead on, ‘cause I’m following.

Clorox Green Works

2008-03-20T19:15:00.004-04:00

Just had to give a quick shout out to Clorox Green Works. I picked up their all-purpose cleaner last week and I am loving it. It smells great (sorta lemony) and it works fabulously. I had been using diluted vinegar to clean the kitchen, but the hubby hates the smell. I thought I would give this a try and am very pleased with the results.

The real test will be to see how their bathroom cleaner can stand up to my tub scrubbing!! :) I'll let you know how it goes.

On Friendship And Being Brave

2008-03-17T08:37:00.005-04:00

Okay, confession time.... I am a shy person. A wall-flower extraordinaire. This is a slight contradiction with the rest of my personality seeing as how I am a total control freak and I love to talk. A lot. But it's the honest-to-goodness truth.

Hi my name is Casey and I am shy. (I am also a Starbucks addict, which is worse?!)

Being immersed in large groups of people makes my palms sweat, my ears clog and my vision get a bit unfocused. It's not that I am afraid of being around people, it is just that I am not good at small talk. I love to talk, yet small talk is hard for me.

Making friends has been difficult because of this. I have had people tell me that I appear stuck-up, or aloof, when in reality I am just terrified. I don't mean to seem indifferent. Sometimes I just have a hard time engaging.

Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just me?

I thought being a mom would help. In some ways it has been, as talking about kids is a good connecting point. But if I am honest with myself, beyond motherhood, it is hard to find common ground.

I have been self analyzing a lot lately. This can be a scary thing to do, but I have come to a few conclusions.

1) My self doubt projects to those around me. Either I doubt them or they doubt me.

2) My self doubt causes me to compare myself to others and then I doubt myself more. A vicious cycle emerges.

3) Regardless of what I want to call it, this shyness I have is based in fear. God is not the author of fear.

4) In order to embrace true friendship I have to get over myself. It can be hard to overcome fear and past hurts, but I have to get over it and move on.

So, I am challenging myself to do this. To get over myself. To leave the self doubt behind. To embrace people (myself included) for who they are. To love unconditionally, even if its awkward. I don't think it is going to be as easy to do as it is to type!

My name means "brave", and so I must be if I desire to have deep and meaningful friendships in my life.

Who Knew A Kitchen Towel Could Be Such Fun?

2008-03-16T20:33:00.001-04:00

(Insert Clever Title Here)

2008-03-13T14:07:00.003-04:00

Um, hello, my name is Casey and this is my blog. I have been strangely absent as of late, and really, I have no good explanation to give.

I could say I am tired, and while that is true, I just don't think it's a valid excuse.

I could mention that I am spread a little thin, what between being a wife, a mother and a working woman (who's office is currently in the process of moving, which is a whole other ~~excuse~~ story.) But no one wants to hear me complain.

I could tell a tale about Jaron and his erratic sleeping habits, but those have FINALLY settled down (praise Jesus from whom all blessings flow!) and so there's not much to tell anymore.

I supposed I could also blame it on blogger, with whom I have a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship. Dang thing has been kicking me out and refusing to post my photos. But that is a story that lots of people can tell, so I won't bore my readers with such triviality.

So, um, what can I say?

Well, how about that I have had the mother of all cases of writers block. I mean really, who am I to think that anyone wants to read what I have to say? Every time I start to write something I end up erasing it all. I do have things I want to post, but I worry about being too down, or too serious, or too silly, or posting too many photos, or not enough photos.

It's like high school all over again... overly self aware.

Anyway, I have things on my mind... things I think when I can't sleep at night. Good things, bad things, life things, God things. (I am starting to sound like Dr. Seuss "Left foot, right foot, red foot, blue foot"!) Maybe in the next few days I can start to get them out of my head on here-- for all 2.5 of my readers to read.

Until then... how are y'all doing? Got any topic/post ideas for me?

Okay, I Give Up!

2008-03-10T19:33:00.004-04:00

I have been trying to post something all day long and stupid Blogger won't let me upload my photos. I am beyond frustrated. Today my boy is 10 months and I had some photos of his cute little face for the blogging world to gaze upon. Guess I'll try again tomorrow.

Oh, wanna know what I did today (when I wasn't watching the photo uploader thingy tell me it didn't work)? I cleaned... the whole house... with a 10 month old following me around all day. Fun, huh?!?!

Now I can sit with my feet up and read a book without guilt. I might even have some ice cream as a special treat for finally getting my cleaning butt in gear. I think I have the spring cleaning bug which is good because I have been far too lazy for far too long.

Okay, enough of this nothing for now. I'll be back tomorrow, and hopefully I will have pictures.

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!